The Show Goes On

2019 is nearly over. It’s been a full year. I staffed one writing conference, emceed another, greenlit my plat du jour writing workshop, reworked my manuscript through a mentorship program, and traveled to London again. There were many missteps along my path. As the decade departs, I’m reflecting on where I fell short and where I bellyflopped this year. If I ignore my failures, I won’t learn, which makes those failures pointless.

After reviewing last year’s resolutions, it’s clear I reached too high. That’s okay. If I am doomed to achieve only 70% of my goals, I plan to make those rewards count. And even though success sometimes slipped through my fingers, the act of aiming for lofty ambitions helped me reach unexpected triumphs. Momentum has thrust me forward; I have no plans to jump ship mid-trip.

This year’s most painful failure is my quest for literary representation. In large part, the caliber of responses and refusals has improved, but my first manuscript still hasn’t captured an agent’s heart. A particularly insensitive no came after an agent encounter at a conference. We met. We spoke. She requested the full manuscript. And then she sent a form rejection. 

Usually if they like it enough to request pages, they will specify why it did not resonate enough to represent it. This agent treated me like slush pile material, and yet, I didn’t flinch. 

For one, a form rejection is better than silence. Secondly, I’m getting less sensitive to the rejection; it’s part of striving for more. Without risk of failure, the rewards of success bear less weight. Most of all, she clearly wasn’t right for me and I refuse to waste grief over a bad fit. 

Along with those refusals came encouragement from agents who passed with personal notes. Some thought it a hard sell, but want to read it when someone else publishes it. Some expressed interest in my writing but not this particular story. Regardless of their reasons, it hurt less than an impersonal stamp. And no one said to scrap the idea or hold off querying until it’s ready. In fact, they intimated that it held merit, just not with them.

There are ebbs with every flow.  As I said, I won’t learn if I ignore my failures. But if I wallow in them, I won’t move or grow. Rather than dwell (too much) on the year’s setbacks, I’ll absorb their lessons, appreciate my successes, and focus on what the horizon holds for the upcoming era.

One of my 2019 objectives was to blog more frequently. In 2018, I managed a single post. Including this final entry for the year, I rattled on about love, theatre, and my journey 21 times. This tally includes a two-month period when my website suffered a hacking breach. Though I had hoped for weekly posts, I can’t deny the improvement. The change picked up more blog followers and encouraged me to repeat my 52 Love effort this year.

Starting January 6th, 52 Love is back. As promised, I will repeat this year’s posts and resume in week 16, where I left off before the attack. The favorable response the series earned prompted me to reattempt the challenge. A challenge, all the more challenging since I am far busier this year than when I began this ambitious venture.

Another failure this year blossomed from a business venture. I joined forces with a close friend of mine, who rapidly became inner circle. After meetings, research, casting, and enough legwork to satisfy my pedometer’s daily goal, the company dissolved. The experience gained during this process, not to mention the connections acquired, provided invaluable nuggets to fuel my next adventure. Gratefully, the relationship fizzled before any paperwork was signed, leaving me wiser for the lesson, but in no worse financial shape than before it.

While my novel pays its dues in the trenches, I’ve embraced a few writing wins. I had a short story published in an anthology. They asked me to read my story at the exhibit opening. Black Mountain Institute featured my work at their Days of Awe event. Imbrifex Books invited me to help launch their new monthly event at their premiere showcase. And, one of the TV showrunners who saw me audition asked me to consider joining the writing team. We’re meeting next month.

My behind-the-scenes acting career has ignited in ways I never imagined. Though I’ve yet to land my dream role, my bookings increased, my income grew, and my audition opportunities improved. Now, I am able to turn down roles that don’t feel like a good fit without fear of losing options. My time is valuable, and now I have more freedom to allocate it as I choose.

That said, I already feel overbooked for the next three months. To start the year, I’ll wrap up outreach on the $1000 student scholarship Henderson Writers Group is offering to a local high school senior. I’m working two conventions in January—not career-boosting events, but time-consuming jobs that help fund my artistic escapades. As you might expect, earning more money is a definite goal for this year. This journey isn’t free. 

Although longer this year than most, February still provides fewer days to accomplish goals than any other month. And true to Tonya form, I wasn’t wise enough to reduce my load accordingly. Alpha Voyage Gallery has opened their space on February 8th to accommodate Valentine’s for Street Teens, my annual homeless teens donation drive. In addition to this and my usual Oscar movie binge, on February 29th, I’m making great use of the extra day by hosting a much-needed literary event. In conjunction with Henderson Writers Group, and graciously co-hosted by The Center, I’m hosting a Diversity writing workshop. Also located at The Center, this half-day function aims to lay the groundwork for more inclusive bodies of work coming out of Southern Nevada.

And oh yeah, I’m in a play. Last year I performed in four Bard at the Bar productions, one of which sold out in twenty minutes. For a great deal of February, bleeding into early March, I’ll be rehearsing for their debut rendition of the Shakespeare mashup Caesar & Cleopatra. While I’ve previously played a queen for them, this is my first lead role with this company. It’s the most wonderful of pressures, especially given that I’m filming a starring role in a feature film the week preceding our performances. We’ll see how the Ides of March bode for me come our first show.

All this acting wraps up just before the 2020 Las Vegas Writer’s Conference. And the conference finishes just in time for me to resume blogging 52 Love. That, combined with new goals of finishing my first script, completing my NaNoWriMo project, and reading all of Shakespeare’s works should more than occupy me through the year.

Starting 2020 this booked is a terrific challenge to conquer. 2019 brought many failures, but I foster no complaints. If I hadn’t exposed myself to rejection, I would have missed many opportunities for success. Going into the new year, I will continue to aim high, work hard, and fail forward until I reach the top.

Thank you for continuing this journey with me. My true friends and fans offer battle reinforcements that power me through the toughest times. Onward and upward. Let’s elevate each other in 2020 and share our victories and failures together next December.

How was your 2019? What are your plans for the new year? Tell me in the comments.