All Ears

Communication is essential to a healthy relationship. This may sound banal and clichéd, but one of the best ways couples can show love is by asking about each other’s day and, (here’s the most important part) listening to the answer. 

Remember the days, before you were partners, when you two would spend hours chatting over the phone? When the rest of the world fell away and time belonged only to you? So frequently, the hustle and bustle of life prevents quality conversation. Important emotional clues are communicated through voice and facial expression. Texting and IMing can’t replace the intimacy of one-on-one dialogue between lovers. This week, gift your full, in-person attention when he shares details from his day.

Block distractions, stay focused, and ask thoughtful questions along the way. This isn’t about pulling information from your partner. It’s not an interrogation. In fact, you should do very little of the talking. Avoid steering the conversation toward subject matter that interests you. He interests you. That’s why you’re listening.

Even if he sticks to topics that don’t appeal to you, hear his trivialities with the same interest you would if he’d been away on a long trip and came home to share the experience with you. Shut down your phone, switch off the television, sit on the edge of your chair, and truly focus on him. Letting him feel like he captivates you will spark an energy exchange that benefits you both. You may just find his story ends with an unexpected twist. And, even if it doesn’t, he’ll hear the point of your story: he is loved by you.

If you try this method or have a better suggestion, let me know in the comments. For weekly tips on how to show your partner love, sign up for my blog, 52 Love, in the sidebar. (This post was originally published January 14, 2019.)

Tea Time

Cold weather presides over most of the country right now. What better season to heat things up with your honey? The next time she comes in after an outdoor jog or a day of gardening, bring water to a gentle boil and brew her favorite tea. Prepare her usual accompaniments: cream, sugar, honey, and, of course, a dainty spoon.

If she’s not a tea drinker (is that possible?), heat a cup of milk for hot chocolate. Yes, milk, not water. This represents your affection, after all. Some prefer this with marshmallows melting on the surface or cinnamon sprinkled on top. In my experience, whipped creamand plenty of itworks best. The higher the swirl the more love you convey. Make it pretty. Aesthetics always count.

This concept works equally well with coffee, spiced cider, or (Yum!) a hot toddy. Whatever your lady prefers will taste that much better when made with your love. And, she’ll owe her new toasty glow to you.

Leave the kitchen as clean as you found it. While she cradles her cold hands over a steaming cup of love, tidy the mess made from your gesture. Clear all evidence. Clean out the tea infuser or toss the used bag. Rinse the whipped cream nozzle before returning it to the refrigerator. Wipe debris from the counter. Don’t negate your generous act by piling more work on the woman you love. Let clearing the aftermath serve as your final touch.

If you try this method or have a better suggestion, let me know in the comments. For weekly tips on how to show your partner love, sign up for my blog, 52 Love, in the sidebar. (This post was originally published January 7, 2019.)

The Show Goes On

2019 is nearly over. It’s been a full year. I staffed one writing conference, emceed another, greenlit my plat du jour writing workshop, reworked my manuscript through a mentorship program, and traveled to London again. There were many missteps along my path. As the decade departs, I’m reflecting on where I fell short and where I bellyflopped this year. If I ignore my failures, I won’t learn, which makes those failures pointless.

After reviewing last year’s resolutions, it’s clear I reached too high. That’s okay. If I am doomed to achieve only 70% of my goals, I plan to make those rewards count. And even though success sometimes slipped through my fingers, the act of aiming for lofty ambitions helped me reach unexpected triumphs. Momentum has thrust me forward; I have no plans to jump ship mid-trip.

This year’s most painful failure is my quest for literary representation. In large part, the caliber of responses and refusals has improved, but my first manuscript still hasn’t captured an agent’s heart. A particularly insensitive no came after an agent encounter at a conference. We met. We spoke. She requested the full manuscript. And then she sent a form rejection. 

Usually if they like it enough to request pages, they will specify why it did not resonate enough to represent it. This agent treated me like slush pile material, and yet, I didn’t flinch. 

For one, a form rejection is better than silence. Secondly, I’m getting less sensitive to the rejection; it’s part of striving for more. Without risk of failure, the rewards of success bear less weight. Most of all, she clearly wasn’t right for me and I refuse to waste grief over a bad fit. 

Along with those refusals came encouragement from agents who passed with personal notes. Some thought it a hard sell, but want to read it when someone else publishes it. Some expressed interest in my writing but not this particular story. Regardless of their reasons, it hurt less than an impersonal stamp. And no one said to scrap the idea or hold off querying until it’s ready. In fact, they intimated that it held merit, just not with them.

There are ebbs with every flow.  As I said, I won’t learn if I ignore my failures. But if I wallow in them, I won’t move or grow. Rather than dwell (too much) on the year’s setbacks, I’ll absorb their lessons, appreciate my successes, and focus on what the horizon holds for the upcoming era.

One of my 2019 objectives was to blog more frequently. In 2018, I managed a single post. Including this final entry for the year, I rattled on about love, theatre, and my journey 21 times. This tally includes a two-month period when my website suffered a hacking breach. Though I had hoped for weekly posts, I can’t deny the improvement. The change picked up more blog followers and encouraged me to repeat my 52 Love effort this year.

Starting January 6th, 52 Love is back. As promised, I will repeat this year’s posts and resume in week 16, where I left off before the attack. The favorable response the series earned prompted me to reattempt the challenge. A challenge, all the more challenging since I am far busier this year than when I began this ambitious venture.

Another failure this year blossomed from a business venture. I joined forces with a close friend of mine, who rapidly became inner circle. After meetings, research, casting, and enough legwork to satisfy my pedometer’s daily goal, the company dissolved. The experience gained during this process, not to mention the connections acquired, provided invaluable nuggets to fuel my next adventure. Gratefully, the relationship fizzled before any paperwork was signed, leaving me wiser for the lesson, but in no worse financial shape than before it.

While my novel pays its dues in the trenches, I’ve embraced a few writing wins. I had a short story published in an anthology. They asked me to read my story at the exhibit opening. Black Mountain Institute featured my work at their Days of Awe event. Imbrifex Books invited me to help launch their new monthly event at their premiere showcase. And, one of the TV showrunners who saw me audition asked me to consider joining the writing team. We’re meeting next month.

My behind-the-scenes acting career has ignited in ways I never imagined. Though I’ve yet to land my dream role, my bookings increased, my income grew, and my audition opportunities improved. Now, I am able to turn down roles that don’t feel like a good fit without fear of losing options. My time is valuable, and now I have more freedom to allocate it as I choose.

That said, I already feel overbooked for the next three months. To start the year, I’ll wrap up outreach on the $1000 student scholarship Henderson Writers Group is offering to a local high school senior. I’m working two conventions in January—not career-boosting events, but time-consuming jobs that help fund my artistic escapades. As you might expect, earning more money is a definite goal for this year. This journey isn’t free. 

Although longer this year than most, February still provides fewer days to accomplish goals than any other month. And true to Tonya form, I wasn’t wise enough to reduce my load accordingly. Alpha Voyage Gallery has opened their space on February 8th to accommodate Valentine’s for Street Teens, my annual homeless teens donation drive. In addition to this and my usual Oscar movie binge, on February 29th, I’m making great use of the extra day by hosting a much-needed literary event. In conjunction with Henderson Writers Group, and graciously co-hosted by The Center, I’m hosting a Diversity writing workshop. Also located at The Center, this half-day function aims to lay the groundwork for more inclusive bodies of work coming out of Southern Nevada.

And oh yeah, I’m in a play. Last year I performed in four Bard at the Bar productions, one of which sold out in twenty minutes. For a great deal of February, bleeding into early March, I’ll be rehearsing for their debut rendition of the Shakespeare mashup Caesar & Cleopatra. While I’ve previously played a queen for them, this is my first lead role with this company. It’s the most wonderful of pressures, especially given that I’m filming a starring role in a feature film the week preceding our performances. We’ll see how the Ides of March bode for me come our first show.

All this acting wraps up just before the 2020 Las Vegas Writer’s Conference. And the conference finishes just in time for me to resume blogging 52 Love. That, combined with new goals of finishing my first script, completing my NaNoWriMo project, and reading all of Shakespeare’s works should more than occupy me through the year.

Starting 2020 this booked is a terrific challenge to conquer. 2019 brought many failures, but I foster no complaints. If I hadn’t exposed myself to rejection, I would have missed many opportunities for success. Going into the new year, I will continue to aim high, work hard, and fail forward until I reach the top.

Thank you for continuing this journey with me. My true friends and fans offer battle reinforcements that power me through the toughest times. Onward and upward. Let’s elevate each other in 2020 and share our victories and failures together next December.

How was your 2019? What are your plans for the new year? Tell me in the comments.

NanoReport

I like to win. Too much. Enough that I often forgo new experiences to avoid failing. In November, I faced that flaw head-on, by challenging myself to participate in National Novel Writing Month. 

To write 50,000 words in the span of 30 ordinary days would be difficult enough, but I’m also preparing for next year’s Las Vegas Writers Conference. My mother had emergency spinal surgery this month at a hospital thirty minutes away (in good traffic). And I’m juggling to arrange a workshop on a divisive topic for next February, the challenges of which prove its necessity. Top those with reading goals, essential auditions, and characters from my first story screaming from their neglect. When and where did I suppose I’d complete a new novel amidst all of that? How did I expect to win?

Truth is, I didn’t. But, I tried anyway.

In a perfect world, I would have finished the first draft in November, then spent December revising for January critique groups. By April, the novel would be polished and ready to pitch and, since we’re dreaming here, one of the amazing faculty agents would snatch it up!

I did not live this fantasy. Instead, I trekked back and forth to the west side of town and chatted with my mother in her rehab room for hours. I extinguished conference fires and reinforced foundations for next year. For my planned workshop, I researched, corresponded, and made personal visits when an email wouldn’t do. And in between, I scribbled thoughts on paper, typed notes in email drafts, developed scenes using talk-to-text while driving, and occasionally, holed myself up in my office, clacking computer keys to the yowling protests of neglected cats. On top of those precious moments, at the end of most days, rather than indulge in a much-needed slumber, I’d curl in bed with my phone after a shower poured more ideas than water.

In those truly stolen moments, I didn’t complete my novel. I didn’t come close. But I did reach 20,000 words toward my goal. That’s progress in the right direction, more than if I had not attempted the feat. What’s more, many of my collected notes didn’t make it into my final NaNoWriMo count because I had not yet reached those scenes. When I get back to drafting, they’ll provide a cache of ideas for fleshing out the story. 

I may have lost the NaNoWriMo challenge, but I overcame my fear and managed to fail forward. Rather than mourn over my misstep, I’ll claim victory for a good start.

Do you have experience with NaNoWriMo or failing forward? Tell me about it in the comments.

Good Tidings

I believe in counting one’s blessings, appreciating the gifts life unfolds. Collecting those precious drops of fortune can maintain spiritual survival during droughts. Blessings come in irregular waves, making it difficult to refuse any during a flood.

Whether acting or writing, much of my journey consists of sticking to the grind. Querying, submitting, auditioning, putting myself out there with the hope that someone will invite me to share my work. In any one instance, the odds are against success. It’s a numbers game. The more you try, the more likely you’ll hear that blessed, “Yes.”

October arrived with an affirmative abundance, more than I could accept. As a result of auditioning, I landed roles in two industrial projects, a short film, a television pilot, a feature film, and a play. All planned to shoot/rehearse/perform during this month. These amazing gifts were overwhelming enough. The universe offered more.

Unrequested (though not unwanted) opportunities landed in my lap: a 2-day speaking engagement at the Experienced Writer’s Retreat, an interview with The Riveter, a 2-performance reprisal of Titania in A Midsummer Night’s Dream. I was asked to serve as an opening act for Black Mountain Institute’s A.M. Homes Days of Awe presentation at the Las Vegas Book Festival and as the headliner for Author Portraits Gallery Opening. I was offered two short film roles without audition, invited to tour The Lab in Area 15, and joined the team of readers for Witness magazine. Even half of these blessings are cause to celebrate, yet I scarcely found time to enjoy my bountiful good fortune.

Guilt accompanied each minute of delight, and I began to feel negligent in my duties. You see, this list excludes time I spent serving as Henderson Writing Group’s Education Chair. Each month, I’m responsible for mediating two of their critique group nights, coordinating Dime Grinds, and overseeing the author book club. If not for the amazing support of members Andres Fragoso Jr and Ned Barnett, I’d have finished October with pumpkin-sized egg on my face. HWG also started preparing for our spring writing conference, which meant faculty recruiting couldn’t wait for when I’m less busy.

None of that time factors in my attendance at three private critique groups or weekly volunteering at The Writer Workshop at The Center. Nor does it account for the hours spent auditioning for roles I failed to land. Learning lines, researching roles, driving to LA or recording from home—all use time I might have invested rehearsing for in-hand blessings. I’m spread thin. While I truly appreciate every one of these gifts, I recognize the toll they’ve taken on my health.

Each blessing cost me time and attention to self-care. My body screams for something more nutritious than a granola bar for meals. I’m soft from too little exercise. I eat what I can, rest when I must, and power through each moment between. Although I sleep in my own bed, I’m living out of a travel bag that I never quite unpack. I miss my friends, who understand. I miss my cats, who don’t. More than anything, I miss my greatest passion—writing.

This is just a blog post, yet it feels wonderful to plant words on a page. Chapter piles lie stagnant on my desk, paused from progress. Business cards clutter the corner from no time to follow-up with new associates. Despite my gratitude, I can’t keep up this rapid pace.

October begged the question, “Can there be too much of a good thing?” I tested the theory. Reaped the rewards. Pushed myself beyond perceived possibilities. In the last month, I’ve accomplished more than some people do in three. I’ve met amazing people, worked with fine talent, and fed my soul along the way. In the end, I wouldn’t change a thing. To quote Mae West, “Too much of a good thing can be wonderful.”

Wonderful, yet unsustainable. Which leads me to next month.

In honor of NaNoWriMo, I am using November to write. I won’t delude myself into thinking I can slow down enough to finish a 50,000-word project, but I can certainly devote the month to nurturing author-related goals. Those goals include returning to good habits: sleeping well, exercising mind and body, eating better, and writing consistently. Restoring my routines will fortify my reserves so that when the tide of blessings swells again, I’ll be ready to ride the wave.

Thanks for reading!

 

A Tangled Triangle: Betrayal Review

Now that Jamie Lloyd Company has taken Harold Pinter’s Betrayal to Broadway, I am reminded that I never delivered on my promise to review the two performances I saw in April. This stateside debut provides an excellent opportunity for Americans to see and appreciate Pinter. With that in mind, I offer my humble endorsement.

Be it cinema, TV screen, or stage, I’m in the habit of reading source material before I watch it. I’m embarrassed to admit that my recent London trip inspired my introduction to Harold Pinter. How can I call myself thespian without knowledge of his work? Determined to understand the production before hitting the West End, I read the play on my flight.

At only 53 pages, it flew by. After finishing, I didn’t quite understand the buzz surrounding this legacy. Frequent pauses and dry dialogue did not translate well for me. The melancholy ending weighed on me more than expected, and not in the way I like. I appreciate a sad story more than most, but this heaviness crushed. As I saw it, there was one victim, two villains, and no room for interpretation.

Even more embarrassing, I could not envision an entertaining stage production. Despite the star-studded cast, I arrived with low expectations. No doubt, the actors would do fine in the American sense. Much to my delight, they delivered a fine British performance. 

The live rendition ripples with potent subtext so clear I should be smacked with my copy of the play. The elongated pauses I found so difficult to read, drew out important moments as uncomfortable, humorous, or both. Unspoken lashes whip from the stage. Understood slights and jabs. It’s painful to watch, yet a pain you enjoy. Body language, facial expression, and precise delivery punctuated every line. Between heavy dramatic moments, are light, whimsical breaks. The cast controls every measure, each note orchestrated on beat. 

The curtain rose to a barebones set comprised of two chairs, two bottles, and three people. It’s a triangle of relationships, but not in the usual sense. More than simply connected, these people are entwined, a mutual entanglement reflected in the director’s brilliant decision to keep all three actors visible for the duration of the play. Regardless of whether the character is physically involved or not, he or she remains as the proverbial elephant on the stage. On page, the play reads as a series of duets. Jamie Lloyd’s Brechtian choice showcases how each unacknowledged presence haunts the active players. Save for one pivotal scene, there is no part of this story that does not involve all three.

There are no heroes or villains. Each character possesses his/her own truth. As the play unfolds, or rewinds, rather as it’s told in reverse order, those separate truths battle, bend, and blend into one story, exploring the psyche of three people who both love and hurt each other. Every character feels lonely or isolated, yet they are never alone. The transference of energy between the three ebbs and flows with a life of its own. Even when coupled, the three remain connected.

I knew what to expect from Charlie Cox. I was unenthusiastic to hear of his Matt Murdoch casting. After seeing him in Stardust, I could not picture sweet Tristan Thorn as gritty Daredevil. And I didn’t have to. Tristan Thorn was nowhere near Hell’s Kitchen. Charlie Cox disappeared in his Marvel role, proving him the best choice for the character. He delivered so well, I’m almost tempted to revise my list of Top Ten MCU Castings Choices

His portrayal of Jerry in Betrayal solidified my opinion of his talented range. He frustrates, amuses, and infuriates all while the audience roots for his comprehension. Ever the lovesick schmuck, he keeps the question of “Why” present until the surprising, but satisfying answer.

Like Harold Pinter, I’d never heard of Zawe Ashton. (At least she’s in good company.) Able to possess both frailty and power, she binds the three together. Her lovely smiles vary between forced and bitter, polite charm, or genuine joy. She is the biggest betrayer, yet her pain reigns most potent, and it’s through Emma that all suffer their injuries. 

Somehow, she remains lightest among them. Her sweetness transcends her sharp deliveries. As the least oblivious among them, you’d expect the burden to incapacitate her. Her feminine strength carries her through each moment of weakness. Well, all but one. It’s the kind of performance that has you checking her backlog of work to see what you’ve missed. Turns out, she’s an author too. Can’t wait to immerse in her book and her previous projects.

It’s unsettling to sit close to Tom Hiddleston while he’s on stage. Not because he’s attractive, or even due to his skilled performance. (Admittedly, he’s dazzling on both counts.) It’s something I didn’t notice from the tenth row, the first time I watched the play. It was unavoidable days later, when I watched six rows closer. 

You see, he watches you. His eyes glide over the audience while he delivers his lines, his face maintaining a dignified mask of quiet intensity shielding the storm within. He never misses a beat. This role is so ingrained in him that it requires no thought, no concentration, no acting. He simply is Robert. And, he captivates during his portrayal. 

I say portrayal, but that implies a performance on his part. There is none. Before ascending the stage, he shapeshifts from renowned actor to betrayed husband and friend. This is most evident when he learns of Emma’s affair. During both shows, I ached for him. Robert’s fear belies his guarded reserve while he questions her about Jerry. Tense shoulders, furrowed brow, tight lips. Her confirmation slices through him, yet he remains still. He offers only a flinch, too slight and nuanced to be rehearsed. His heated pangs swell within your chest, then tighten around your broken heart. The pain in his eyes grips you even before the tears begin to flowhis and yours.

An inflated production would have drained this show of its power. The minimalist stage strips the performance to raw emotion. No tricks. No distractions. Just pure, organic behaviors culminating in a trifecta of tears, turmoil, and tenderness.

And so, true thespian or not, I did not grasp the potential in Pinter’s pages on my own. Yet even guided by Jamie Lloyd’s insightful direction, I recognize that theatre is the actor’s medium. No two shows are ever the same. There lies a delicate balance in the relationships between writer, actor, and director. Seeing the metamorphosis from page to stage opened my mind, expanded my vision. I’m still learning. This is a perfect opportunity for you to do so too.

Through December 8th, 2019, you can see Jamie Lloyd Company’s revival of Harold Pinter’s Betrayal at the Bernard B. Jacobs Theatre on Broadway.

If you’d like to discuss the show or my review, please drop me a note in the comments section.

Dark Side of this June

June is never my favorite month. Between excessive heat, an overabundance of family birthdays, and other seasonal obligations, I’m forced to trudge through each sun-saturated day. I’ll spare the details on why these create a challenge. Just know that none are why I struggled through this June more than most others. In fact, this year, I endured significant pains that highlight the pettiness of my usual anti-June blues.

My mother used to be a tiny, ferocious woman. “Though she be but little, she is fierce.” Without a doubt. This past year, her health suffered drastic deterioration and, mid-June, she underwent her first of many surgeries to treat her ailments.

This situation drained her dignity. Her functional brain is trapped in a dysfunctional body. Seeing the strong force known as Mom in this helpless state dented my Invulnerability. (Capitalized because I’m a nerd who uses the term as a superpower.) There is absolutely nothing I can do to make her better. No way for me to fix her or even improve her mood. I’m too young for this situation. So is she. But tragedy defies age expectations. Let’s hope Mom defies the odds.

June marked other unwelcome news. My favorite writing mentor, a dear friend and the greatest influencer of my creative growth, announced an out-of-state move. Wasn’t his call. Couldn’t be helped. That didn’t change that it sucked. 

As an author and actress, I invite rejection daily. Creative pursuits are full of peaks and valleys. My intuitive mentor lifted my writing during the highs and helped keep me afloat during the lows. I assumed he’d always be around to help me improve. My artistic journey is forever altered. The void is vast. Now, I can only try to guide others, as he did for so many Las Vegas writers. His legacy remains; I am honored to be part of it.

The last sadness I’ll share hit me hardest. My best friend in the world, my confidant, my treasured gardener, my rock, landed a new job in another state. He’d soured on Las Vegas months ago, regrouped, and then searched for opportunity elsewhere. Being the star that he is, he found another job right away.

Parents age, mentors move, but friendships, true friendships, last forever. And we’ll always be friends, but his absence changes a lot. No more movie marathons. No more drive-by hugs. No more fun, leisurely conversations free from agenda or purpose. Now we can discuss movies but not share a look during key scenes. We can send a kind thought over text but not comfort with a warm embrace. And our phone conversations will have to cover only the most vital of what we’ve missed in each other’s lives. No time for anything more.

I dreaded each day leading up to his move and bawled like a baby when he left. What made this loss worse is the way some people reacted to my sadness. 

“You can always call him.”

“Why’s this such a big deal?”

“It’s not like he died.”

Comments like these deepen the wound. Just because you don’t understand someone’s pain does not mean you should dismiss it. I lost a soul mate, a piece of my heartmuch more than a friend. For those of you familiar with my writing, picture Sasha without her Jake. The story isn’t the same. And my life will never be either. 

And to be fair, this month helped me sort real friends from false acquaintances. When you truly open yourself to creative energies, closing off your emotions is a challenge. Most of the month, I wore my misery on my sleeve. Yet, for every emotional critic chastising my grief, an unexpected ally offered solace. Despite my loneliness, I did not suffer alone. Light friendships strengthened. Fake ones disappeared. My inner circle fortified. 

June-hater or not, I’m stronger than I was at the end of May.

 

2018, That’s a Wrap!

I didn’t blog much in 2018. Other than my last post, published last January 1st, I didn’t blog at all. I could claim I took a break, set it aside for other pursuits. In truth, I simply didn’t enjoy it. Blogging felt like a burden that kept me from writing. The only entries I finished in 2017 were true passion posts: movies, Marvel, my RADA Hamlet review. If I didn’t love the topic, it didn’t make the cut.

At 2018’s Las Vegas Writer’s Conference, I met Jane Friedman. This changed everything. She convinced me to break down and join Facebook, then showed me why I should resurrect my blog. I’ll skip the details on the lesson. Her blog can teach much better than I. My point is, as one of my New Year’s Resolutions, I’ve committed to blogging regularly on a topic I love: Love. Beginning January 7th, I will post weekly suggestions for how to show your partner affection.

Before I divulge the rest of my goals for 2019, I need to share a few accomplishments from this year. The peaks and valleys that accompany an artist’s journey inspire the need for reminder of those highs. Here are some of mine.

One of my 2018 goals was to land a principal movie role. I did it! By February, I’d been cast as a principal lead in an ensemble cast. Of course, the timing couldn’t have been much worse.  I was waist-deep in rehearsals for my first starring role in a full-length play, and I carried the bulk of dialogue for both projects. Thus, I coined the phrase “Stressed and Blessed,” which carried me through the year. But this experience revealed one of my greatest strengths as a performer: learning massive dialogue with minimal time. I developed just enough schizophrenia to keep the voices in my head straight. More importantly, I gained greater confidence in my skill.

I used 2018 to step outside my social comfort zone by contributing more at meetings, tackling more responsibilities on the HWG board, attending two writing conferences, and indulging in a writing retreat. At first this allowed me to rub elbows with literary leaders. Now, and I’m not certain how it happened, but people ask to network with me. At least once a month, I make myself available for authors who need guidance, connections, or an empathetic ear. We’ve all been there. Why not make it less difficult for other striving artists?

Notice I didn’t say “easier.” Nothing about this is easy. I’ve been querying my manuscript over a year now, and although I’ve had some bites, I have not found my dream agent. I’m beginning to think I never will. But that won’t prevent me from writing or contributing to the literary community. Learning that truth is a success. And while I powered through envy, self-pity, and doubt, I managed to revamp my website, compile my acting reel, and land a talent agent. The first two required outside help, but I earned the last on my own.

During this year’s journey, I discovered the importance of networking. And momentum. I also learned to write a great query letter and how to build my resume in unexpected areas like becoming a contributor to NPR’s Desert Companion magazine. Without a published novel, I was invited to speak at a conference and interviewed on one podcast and three national radio programs. I’ve met lifelong friends, talented collaborators and, somehow, earned superfans along the way.

I may not be moving as fast as I’d like, but I am definitely moving. 2018 shattered my no-new-friends policy. I’m more vulnerable to injury, but there are more arms to catch me when I fall. Instead of fretting over whether I’m worthy of assistance, I will accept help from those who offer it. Even if have nothing to offer in return. There’s always a way to pay it forward. And, the most important lesson I’ve learned this year is that there are plenty of people willing to close doors for me; no need to close doors on myself.

To conclude my first post of the year, I’ll share my new goals.

In 2019, I commit myself to:

1) Read poetry daily

2) Finish revising my second novel

3) Finish writing my third

4) Lose two inches from my waistline

5) Blog regularly until it becomes habit

6) Create a local Literary calendar for my writing community

7) Land more principal film/TV credits

8) Network better with both careers

9) Promote myself better. (both careers)

10) Set aside the fear from new opportunities to keep those doors open.

These may not be that inventive or glamorous, but they’re what I need right now. And, if you see me slacking, especially with goals 8-10, you have my permission to chastise. I may even loan you my whip.

Cheers!

~ Meow ~

Coming Out as an Author (And an Actress)

Changing your life’s course isn’t easy. I wrapped up 2016 wallowing in the sorrows of a more-than-difficult year. As the New Year’s Eve countdown approached, I set a new trajectory: climb out of the pit, loosen my grip on the problematic past, listen to the universe, and reach toward a promising future. The decision launched me toward a year of firsts no one could have predicted.

First on my list was to put myself, well first. To allow myself to focus on my passions instead of clinging to others’ expectations. I took risks, I failed, and I grew as a person and artist.

As you read through my year of achievements, please understand my purpose in sharing them. An artist’s journey can brutalize confidence. This list serves less as a boast of accomplishments than as a reminder to me that there were some.

Week one in January, I started my first professional writing job. It wasn’t for me, but the experience taught me that I can use the skill to make money. In the same month I filmed my first television role, a speaking part in 3030 Series. I also started convention modeling, which turned out to be my most lucrative new venture.

February proved monumental, and a tough month to top. In Show Dogs, my first feature film, I gained my first SAG voucher by playing a featured role. This prompted the creation of my IMDbPro account. (It’s sparse, but it’s mine.) Also in February, I accepted the position of Dime Grinds coordinator for my favorite writers’ group.

Attending Erica Vital-Lazare’s Writer’s Truth Workshop changed my life. Not only did I start a new story, I made an eye-opening discovery about my writing and myself. And just before Valentine’s Day, Writers Group of Southern Nevada selected a chapter from my novel for their “Love is in the Ink” themed Painted Stories. I officially came out as an author, including informing my very much in-the-dark family, and presented my work in front of a crowd.

I took my first selfie on set.

March launched the first Dime Grinds, which I hosted with Joe Van Rhyn. At the event, I chatted with fellow writer, Brian Rouff, who suggested “Coming Out as an Author” as a brand. I played an extra on a national television show and wound up hanging with the star (along with several others from the production) in his private booth at Omnia. And my experience on the 3030 Series, led me to my first starring role in the short The Girl in Apartment 2

It was fabulous!

              In April, I earned my first publishing credit with a short story in Tales from the Silver State IV, a redemption-themed anthology.  I ran for office in the Henderson Writers’ Group (and won). I worked on LIE, my first Bollywood film, with some of the nicest crew I’ve ever met. And I attended my first DragCon.

In May, I was featured in my first national commercial. I discovered the profitable world of instructional videos in June. And July allowed occasion for me to read at the Writer’s Block EXPO from my first published work, which actually sold books as a result. 

Amazing August began with my venture into the land of Instagram. Much more fun than I imagined. The month improved with an audition hot streak. Not only did I land every job; one offered me an even better part. Even more exciting, I received an opportunity to travel abroad, which brings me to September.

I visited London!

Londonmy first solo out-of-country journey, where I entailed many new experiences, including tea with cream, West End Theatre, and letting myself get “picked up” in the name of research. The trip inspired a middle-of-the-night epiphany: where to conclude my too-long first novel. I arrived back in Vegas more confident and determined than ever, and before month’s end, I’d applied the final polish on my first completed manuscript and handed it off to my BETA readers.

October brought new firsts and fresh jitters. After encouraging feedback, (at least two BETA readers have read the story twice, and all claimed they’re ready for book two), I began the daunting querying process. Only a few nibbles so far, and one “Yes, but” contract. I’m holding out hope that the right agent will see my work by next summer.

In November, I appeared as Hamlet’s Ophelia for a live audience, my debut Shakespeare performance, which meant I also sang solo in public for the first time. This emboldened me to audition for another play, MorStar Production’s Ripe and Seedless. Mark March 17th and 31st on your calendars. I landed my first starring role in a full-length production. And fair warning. This, too, involves singing.

To conclude the incredible year, this December, I published my first Kindle book under a pseudonym, a naughty Santa/Alice in Wonderland mash-up poem. These opportunities shaped a new me. I’ve grown as an author, actress, teacher, and public figure. My knowledge and skill increased more than I considered possible in this short time. The greatest lesson I learned? No matter how tough the road, or how long the journey, the only way to get where you want to be is to keep moving.

I wouldn’t have believed I’d go to London nine weeks before it happened, let alone nine months. But I did. I didn’t think I’d be published this year. But I was. My insecurity had prevented me from auditioning for live theatre, and now Im the lead in a play.

Am I a success yet? That’s debatable. I’ve millions of miles to go. But I am so much further than I ever thought I’d be and certainly closer than before taking steps to change my course. As I move into next year, I’ll carry my recent lessons and aim for bigger goals. Who knows where I’ll be next December? This I can say: I’m proud of this year’s accomplishments, and in 2018, I’m ready to achieve even more.

Tell me: What did you achieve in 2017, and what are your goals for this year?

The Metamorphosis of Loki

As Thor: Ragnarok approaches, I’ve been contemplating the evolution of Loki in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Of all the current players, he possesses the largest range to his character arc. His complexities lend to our fascination with him, an intrigue that stems as far back as his Norse origins.

Take the following ten archetypes, for example. Most characters lend themselves to two at most. Yet, Loki has filled the skin of more than half.

Villain – We’ll start with the obvious. He’s proven himself a threat and source of conflict for the heroes and, at times, even himself.

Trickster – He manages this in all three films. It’s in his nature.

Shapeshifter – Not in his usual, literal sense, but in the way he tiptoes the line between villain and hero. Which brings me to

Hero – Say what you want about his mischief, but he risked his life in both Thor movies and protected other characters without expecting recognition. That’s heroic, especially given that most of them despise him. 

Ally – Is he mad when he joins forces with Thor in The Dark World? Possibly. But the fact remains, truly desperate or not, Thor depended on Loki.

Herald – You can credit Loki as the catalyst that inspired Nick Fury and crew to finally form the Avengers. This is true in the films, as well as the comics.

What is left for Loki to explore in Thor: Ragnarok? What twists can his character take? What changes will Tom Hiddleston make?

Mentor – He’s yet to serve as adviser. Admit it; you’d attend a class for Loki’s Lessons.

Guardian – This role feels too stationary for Loki. Could he remain trapped by duty? My guess is no.

Everyman – I can’t imagine a believable version of this.  

 

 

 

 

 

Innocent – Even as a child, this was not true. Unless they pull a memory loss stint (PLEASE, NO) slim chance in this transformation.

That said, let’s look at the film transformations of our favorite anti-hero.

Odinson

In Thor—a Shakespeareanesque tale of fathers, sons, and brothers—this second son begins as a subtle trickster, ruining his brother’s big day with a prank gone wrong. Armed with his silver tongue, his mischief launches a chain of events that lead him from sulking sibling to heartbroken child to patricidal madman, only to drop back into the desperate boy seeking his father’s approval.

​The cry face that launched an army of fangirl ships.

Laufeyson

Avengers brought us a villainous Loki, one fully embracing the chaos. Spurred by the events in Thor, he masterminds a series of destruction that even he questions before the end. A skilled puppet master, he manipulates our heroes, arranging his own capture and the separation of the team. When Thor points out the true damage of Loki’s actions, a sliver of vacillation filters through his conflicted eyes. A single tear escapes as he returns to bitter brother, lashing out in defiance of his reservations. A move that lands him Hulk-smashed and homebound.

Friggason

Loki starts off petty and toxic-tongued in The Dark World, and no one feels the devastating impact more than his beloved mother. His wicked words galvanize a dire depression and prompt him to join forces with the brother he swore to hate. Loki’s redemption-seeking alliance inspires the heroic protection of his brother, the realm they love, and the people within it. But by film’s end, he proves himself ever the deceiver as the presumed dead hero smiles from his father’s throne.

Tom Hiddleston Loki GIF - TomHiddleston Loki Odin GIFs
Loki’d!

All this leaves me wondering where Loki can go from here. He’s nearly covered the spectrum. What is left for him to accomplish? What new angle can be seen? Since I avoid spoilers like the plague, I’ve no idea what’s in store for the God of Mischief. Admittedly, I’ve had my tickets since September 7th, so I think it’s safe to say I’m eager to see.

What direction do you think the character will take? Message me or leave your answer in the comments.