Blog - Ms. Tonya Todd

The Way to His Heart

Posted on June 1, 2020 by Sin City Cinephile / 1 Comment

Eating is a necessity. Cooking, as a means to that, can often feel like a chore. Yet be it grand celebrations, playful picnics, or family mealtime, food brings people together. Instead of dreading this fundamental staple, turn it into a bonding experience by seasoning your relationship with the ingredients for a long, loving partnership. For week 22 of 52 Love, try a little sugar and spice in the kitchen.

Most rate the ability to cook as highly attractive. Even if cooking isn’t your forte, the act of trying shows dedication to your loved one. That effort marks you as an attractive mate. If a novice, you produce humorous memories. If a pro, that confident competence kindles intimacy in and out of the kitchen.

Preparing meals together connects you on a deeper level. Working as a team builds trust, which strengthens you as a couple. Creating something together requires cooperation. When you rely on each other and work toward a common goal, it solidifies the notion that the two of you have a partnership. Whether you choose one dish and share the tasks or divide multiple dishes between you, being able to stay on the same page when preparing a recipe speaks well for your ability to stay on the same page as a couple. Even making something as simple as grilled cheese sandwiches with tomato soup inspires a shared sense of satisfaction far more gratifying than going it alone.

Cooking together fosters communication skills. For many couples, kitchen duties are split between meal prep and cleaning. Although this is a fair division of chores, it equates to separated bodies. Rather than spending that time apart as you each work independently, share that time together. Chat about the day, plans for the week, or treasured memories from childhood. Whether tossing a simple salad or concocting a five-course meal, embrace this chance to connect over one-on-one time in the kitchen.

In Week 16 we covered how sharing personal development with your partner strengthens your relationship. When cooking together, you also learn from each other. You each bring different skills to the table. Nobody is competing. Rather than argue about whose method is best, experiment with each other’s preferences. Cultivate an environment that stimulates creativity. Share your secrets. Listen to his. Meld each other’s ideas into delicious cuisine emblematic of the team who built it.

Cooking can be a sensuous activity. Creativity stimulates your senses. Channel that energy to get his blood pumping in the tight confines of your kitchen. Have fun during downtime. While waiting for water to boil, dance to a favorite song. Strip tease as the meat simmers. Feed him unused ingredients by hand. Mix in a little saucy flirting, combined with some spicy wordplay, and I guarantee your skillet won’t be the only thing sizzling in the kitchen.

Once your meal is on the table, enjoy the succulent reward together. Pour two glasses of wine and continue date night over dinner conversation. Feed your partner morsels from your plate. Whether your kitchen tales consist of hilarious mistakes or spectacular culinary creations, the meals you prepare together will become linked to the emotions that accompany the experience. Build memories seasoned with the love and care that went into preparing your meal.

If you try this intimacy tip or have a better recommendation, let me know in the comments. For weekly suggestions on how to show your partner love, sign up for my blog, 52 Love, in the sidebar.

52 Love

Journal Your Journey

Posted on May 25, 2020 by Sin City Cinephile / 1 Comment

Communication is key to building a solid relationship. Writing encourages you to explore your language; writing about your relationship allows you to explore each other. That’s why for week 21 of 52 Love, I recommend a couple’s journal as a proactive approach to strengthening your bond.

The inspiration for this week’s post comes from a family member. In the early stages of their relationship, she and her partner wrote in a shared journal when they were apart because they missed each other. Once they moved in together, she would take it to school if she had a challenging week that didn’t allow time to get worries off her chest. He would do the same when work was stressful. This couple, now engaged to be married, already has a strong foundation of sharing and communication before they’ve walked down the aisle.

No matter what stage you and your partner face in your journey, a joint journal empowers you to record your experiences and tackle life’s greatest challenges. Through journaling, you and your partner can share joys, thoughts, dreams, disappointments, hopes, concerns, and desires. This practice helps you relive relationship highlights or devote extra attention to challenges you need to address.

Some guidelines to keep in mind: Before you begin this intimacy tip, establish ground rules with your partner. Determine how frequently you would both like to write, be it every day, weekly, or simply when inspiration strikes. Do you want to use different colored ink to spot each other’s entries? If you go in with the same expectations, you curb disappointment and avoid unnecessary pressure.

Journaling has a calming effect that helps you let go of negative thoughts. Simply writing about your troubles will ease your mind, which allows you to communicate better when the two of you discuss those troubles. Both of you should write freely, without fear of judgment. Treat your partner’s entries with respect. Avoid dismissing her concerns or her feelings about them. Remind her of her strengths in the situations she presents and that you have her back no matter what. Letting go of negativity leads to a happier, healthier relationship. This improved emotional and physical health will help you fight battles outside of your journal.

Regardless of how much you love someone, there will be times when you upset each other. Your journal offers a path to express those frustrations in a constructive manner. First, release your pent-up negative emotions with your raw, honest thoughts. Then use your journal to view the negative experiences as obstacles to overcome together.

When discussing frustration with each other, stick to “I” statements and steer clear of accusatory language. The goal is to express your feelings and open a constructive dialogue. If your partner confides that something you do causes her anxiety, the journal enables you to examine that behavior and address the challenge with clear lines of communication, free from judgment. No punishments for what is written. Instead, see those unhappy verses for what they are—a doorway toward relationship growth.

Sharing a journal can provide an easier way to start conversations you may need to have because you are thinking more about your words and are less emotional after writing. Sometimes initiating these conversations in person can be difficult. If you read your partner’s entries with empathy and understanding, your new insight can spark vital and constructive discussions while building a trusting relationship.

A couple’s journal also offers opportunity to reinforce the positive by recording memories and supporting one another. Sometimes you may want to remind your partner that you love her and that what is happening in your life is making you happy. Use the journal to show enthusiasm for the things you love about her. Express those gratitudes we discussed in Week 11. Record a couple’s bucket list. Share small memories she may not realize were important to you. If you feel it’s significant, then she’ll want to know.

Over time, the journal will help you and your partner learn more about yourselves, each other, and your relationship. Share things you want her to know about you. What are you too self-conscious to say aloud? Embrace the chance to discover more about each other.

Once the journal becomes a relationship staple, you may enjoy having that document of your journey to reread later. You and your partner can relive sentimental entries. Revisit the journal when in need of encouragement. Your private couple’s journal holds the inner workings of your relationship. Review segments as reminders for what’s important to you both.

Focus on open intimacy, not perfection. When freewriting, you may misspell a word or articulate your point through stream of consciousness. Forgive each other these errors and focus on your goals. Your journal is sacred Intel, not public work meant for publication. When what is written between the two of you stays between the two of you, couples journaling becomes a powerful means to strengthen your relationship and ultimately foster better communication.

If you try this intimacy tip or have a better recommendation, let me know in the comments. For weekly suggestions on how to show your partner love, sign up for my blog, 52 Love, in the sidebar.

52 Love

Pieced Together Peace

Posted on May 18, 2020 by Sin City Cinephile / 1 Comment

In light of the current pandemic, I imagine a robust resurgence in indoor activities. If your mind flew to the same naughty thought as mine, this week’s 52 Love suggestion may perplex you. Rather than bedroom gymnastics, I recommend something that works well without the need to undress: a complex jigsaw puzzle. As with most of my tips, clothing is optional.

Jigsaw puzzles offer a chance to break from binge-watching, disengage from the digital world, and escape the reason we’re stuck at home. Unplugging from screens and devices is important for mental health. With that in mind, clear a spot for two, lead your partner to the playing field, spread your pieces, and relax as you join them together.

Solving puzzles improves mental and physical health. It increases concentration while keeping your brain busy and stimulated, free from negative input. Puzzle-solving provides a sense of restoring order to the chaos we’re facing in our lives, a sense of accomplishment when so little is in our control.

Alone, this small victory can work wonders on our psyches. Together it builds the foundation for a strong partnership. Just as puzzles improve your memory by reinforcing the existing connections between your brain cells, joint puzzle play reinforces the connections between you and your partner.

Solving a jigsaw puzzle engages both the intuitive and creative sides of your brain. While you improve your attention span and problem-solving skills, you sharpen your brains as a couple. Subsequently, this exercise will help strengthen your bond as a problem-solving team.

A larger puzzle may last for days, allowing you to connect throughout the week. Use this one-on-one time to encourage creativity and communication. Chat about childhood memories, current challenges, or future plans. See where the conversation leads you. If there are elusive pieces, employ a bit of healthy competition while you work toward the same goal. No losers in this game.

This focused activity will serve as a stress-reliever that keeps you fully in the moment. Working toward a common goal strengthens you and your partner as a team. Sit side by side, across from each other, or plant yourself in his lap. The point is, you’re working together. Everyday stress, or pandemic worries, will evaporate as you meditate on your joint task. Soon, peace and tranquility will replace the day’s concerns and draw you closer. And like playing games in Week 6, you can add a sexy twist by removing clothing at each completed milestone, which may lead to those robust indoor activities.

If you try this intimacy tip or have a better recommendation, let me know in the comments. For weekly suggestions on how to show your partner love, sign up for my blog, 52 Love, in the sidebar.

52 Love/Favorite Characters

Lather, Rinse, Romance

Posted on May 11, 2020 by Sin City Cinephile / 0 Comment

For week 19 of 52 Love, let’s examine another effort from Lucian Blake. As part of his seduction of my main character, he capitalizes on her compulsive need to be clean by dropping to one knee, ripping open a Wet-nap wrapper with his teeth like a condom foil, and cleansing her hands before a sunset picnic. (We’ll get to picnics in this series; I promise.) Not only did this cater to her unspoken desires, it provided an opportunity for him to touch her. The manuscript is still unpublished, so I won’t spoil the story by telling you how she responds. What I will say is how you can modify his idea to increase intimacy with your partner, be she borderline OCD or the down and dirty type.

Instead of hands, this week’s focus is washing your partner’s hair. If you’ve ever bent your neck to dip your head into the basin at a hair salon, you know how amazing it feels for a relative stranger to shampoo and rinse your hair. When done by someone you love, and in the privacy of your own home, it’s akin to foreplay.

If done with altruistic intentions, this act can reward you as much as your partner. Service strengthens your bond. You may recall an episode of Grey’s Anatomy where Meredith had just escaped a bomb’s explosion. Her friends joined her in the shower to wash away what they could of the trauma with their bare hands. They gave freely and the experience drew them closer. Think of this experience as a way to serve your lover. Your goal is to clean her hair, scrub her scalp, and make her feel loved in the process.

For the purpose of this exercise, we’ll assume you’re sharing a shower. Evocative scents and textures enhance the romance. Instead of her usual shampoo, consider a brand with exotic essential oils to add an element of luxury. Adjust the water to a safe temperature. Then, clasp your partner’s forearm, turn it over in your hands, and test the water together. Once you have her preferred pressure and temperature, gently dip her head into the water. Saturate her hair down to the scalp. Pay attention as some heads of hair take longer than others.

Once the area is thoroughly wet, squeeze enough shampoo into your palm to work up a good froth. Lather the slick foam through her hair thoroughly. This is a great opportunity to incorporate the massage tips from Week 14. Remember the temples and nape of the neck. Spend extra time at the roots to remove buildup from oils, sweat, dirt, and even makeup.

Curly hair takes extra care. Tender heads and tangles can kill the mood. Work one section at a time using gentle strokes to prevent knots and snagging. Avoid circular swirling. Aim for downward motions at a slow, rhythmic pace, gradually move your fingers deeper as you go.

Each head of hair is unique. When in doubt about what to do, ask. Use this experience to start a dialogue about what she likes, and where she likes it, not to mention how she wants you to do it. Your comfort with these discussions will likely translate to greater intimacy in other areas.

This type of physical contact arouses endorphins. Your loving act isn’t meant as a prelude to sex, yet the sensual pleasure provoked by your fingertips may lead there. Let that be her call. Your job is to keep your hands where she wants them during this deeply caring gesture. Even if it remains chaste, seeing the ecstasy in your partner’s face will bring you pleasure too.

If you try this intimacy tip or have a better recommendation, let me know in the comments. For weekly suggestions on how to show your partner love, sign up for my blog, 52 Love, in the sidebar.

52 Love

Get Tantric

Posted on May 4, 2020 by Sin City Cinephile / 0 Comment

We are living trying times. Some suffer from lack of social engagement. Many can’t make ends meet without being able to work. Even if this quarantine begot your dream life of being paid to stay home reading books or binge-watch Netflix—without pressure to attend unwanted social obligations or guilt from avoiding the gym—the reasons why may manifest into unexpected anxiety. If you are fortunate enough to be trapped inside with your significant other, use Week 18 of 52 Love to alleviate that unease through tandem prayer.

If you have no experience with joint prayer, it may feel awkward at first. That’s okay. Acknowledging this up front will help you overcome the bump by encouraging each other through the process. Much like sexual intimacy, your first time together will stir nervous fears with hopeful anticipation. These moments of shared vulnerability strengthen your bond. Embrace that energy.

Begin by allowing your physical touch to connect you on a spiritual level. Face each other; kneel if you feel comfortable that way. Join hands. Rest your forehead to his. Inhale your shared purpose. Exhale your union—warm breaths mingling together within your common space.

Then speak your prayers aloud, while maintaining physical contact. Comfort your partner with your words while caressing his skin with your thumbs. Brush the tips of your noses. As your closeness deepens, increase your trust through shared confessions. Confide your fears. Ask for guidance. Speak your gratitudes. Bask in his love while your supportive surge uplifts him. Most importantly, listen to his prayer.

Not spiritually inclined? Think of this as mental and emotional alignment through shared meditation. Create a neurochemical high that transcends your bodies. Release stress and tension by learning to be together on a metaphysical level. Synchronize your breathing. Be comfortable within your partner’s space. Make him comfortable within yours. Talk. Listen. Try to understand. In short, find the divine within each other.

If you try this intimacy tip or have a better recommendation, let me know in the comments. For weekly suggestions on how to show your partner love, sign up for my blog, 52 Love, in the sidebar.

52 Love

The Lens of Love

Posted on April 27, 2020 by Sin City Cinephile / 1 Comment

For Week 17 of 52 Love, immortalize your relationship in the form of a photo collage. Documenting your life through your camera’s lens preserves your memories as an expression of your love and allows your partner to relive these moments through your eyes. Considering that “collage” originates from the French word “coller”, meaning “to glue,” this gift is a perfect choice to make your partner secure in your affections. There’s no pressure to complete this within the same week you start. 52 Love is about the long game.

Feel free to start with existing photos. After that, snap new shots and choose ones deserving of preservation. Go the extra mile by capturing meaningful ordinary moments. As she’s reading to your child, when she’s gardening in the backyard and the glistening sun bathes her in golden light, while she sips wine from her favorite glass. Bonus points if you snap them without her notice. Different from the glamour of a destination photo shoot like in week 15, these are shots from everyday life, a candid glimpse at the daily beauty her presence creates.

Relive these loving moments as you assemble your creation. Select high quality images with sharp resolution. Print your shots on good paper. Once you have curated your photos, choose an interesting layout to display them. Find a frame with color and texture that complements your collection. Use the included background or take the time to personalize one.

You can arrange your photos by theme, location, or chronologically—use a multi-frame layout or a single board that you arrange on your own. Or instead of all the photos in one frame, choose two or three frames that hold three or four photos apiece. Your many options are limited only by your creativity and imagination. And if you’re crafty enough, when you present this thoughtful gift to your partner, use your camera to capture the expression on her face.

If you try this intimacy tip or have a better recommendation, let me know in the comments. For weekly suggestions on how to show your partner love, sign up for my blog, 52 Love, in the sidebar.

52 Love

Learn by Heart

Posted on April 20, 2020 by Sin City Cinephile / 0 Comment

Acquiring new proficiencies is essential to individual growth. For this week’s 52 Love tip, I propose a way for you and your partner to develop as a healthy, productive couple: Learn a new skill together.

I’m not just talking how to make ceramics Ghost-style, although that would certainly work. There’s a whole world of new skills available to study together. You could give ballroom dancing a whirl or hone the art of sensual massage. Take archery lessons or develop matching calluses as you both learn to play guitar. Try your hands at calligraphy, then scribe loving notes or poems to one another.

Better yet, learn a new language together. Linguistics requires frequent practice. When you learn with a partner, you have someone to help exercise your tongue’s proficiency. This type of new skill might even inspire a vacation to a country that speaks the language. At home or abroad, it won’t be long before you incorporate your new vocabulary into your lovemaking, spicing up an additional area of your romantic life.

Working together will keep you each accountable and provide someone to celebrate your successes. You’ll sharpen your skills through repetition and competition. When you learn with a partner, it increases the chances that information will stick. You’ll each absorb different pieces and learn more concretely when you review them together. And because you can access that review partner so readily, you improve your opportunities to test what you’ve both learned.

This process creates a sense of teamwork, which builds on the love you share and will carry over to other aspects of your life together. Most importantly, this quality time allows you to learn something new about yourself and about each other which keeps the relationship fresh.

52 Love

Pictures Paint a Thousand Affections

Posted on April 13, 2020 by Sin City Cinephile / 2 Comments

Couples photos are quite fun and I encourage you to try them one day. For Week 15 of 52 Love, I propose a more intimate approach: create your personal photoshoot for your partner.

Key words: for your partner. This is not a boudoir shoot with photos taken for a recipient. The focus should be on creating an experience for your partner. A photoshoot gives her an excuse to dress up. She can choose an outfit that makes her feel pretty. Sexy. Carefree. Whichever she prefers. The more comfortable she is, the more attractive she feels, the more she’ll let her inhibitions fly in front of the lens. Letting go of these inhibitions with someone you trust brings you closer together. It binds your love more securely than paying someone to watch you do it.

Avoid the temptation to hire a professional for your shoot (especially during a quarantine). It’s not about the photos. They merely commemorate your loving gesture. And though a pro might provide better pictures, your loving touch will create better memories for your partner.

As a model, I’ve learned that the photographer sets the tone. The person pointing the lens either mows down the subject with critique and criticism or helps her blossom into vibrant bloom. For a successful shoot, aim for the latter. Be playful. Make her laugh. Recommend silly poses to try. Give her room to try some on her own. Create a safe space to experiment together. In love with a serious girl? Capture her smolder as she broods right into the camera, melting your heart.

Nature creates the best backdrops. Find a remote location free from the world’s interruptions, a private spot devoid of other people. A cinematic sunset, a red rock landscape, a sandy beach, a waterfall. Someplace that isolates your adventure from prying eyes.

Posing for a camera may be out of your partner’s comfort zone. For many, allowing someone to photograph them truly is a measure of trust. Assure your sweetheart that these photos are for the two of you and that no one else will see them without her permission. Keep this promise. Respect her wishes. Ignore your surging pride at having this beauty in your life. She’s involved with you because she loves you, not so you can show her off to your friends.

Remember, this photoshoot declares that you treasure your partner enough to immortalize your affection. Not only will you create a permanent reminder of your good fortune in having snagged such a mate, the two of you will grow closer through the intimacy of the experience. And once you finish… Delete bad photos. Celebrate good shots. Enjoy great memories forever.

If you try this intimacy tip or have a better recommendation, let me know in the comments. For weekly suggestions on how to show your partner love, sign up for my blog, 52 Love, in the sidebar. (This post was updated since its original publication on April 15, 2019, long before Covid-19 social distancing. Please wait until it is safe to implement this outdoors, or tweak for indoor practice.)

52 Love

Let Your Fingers Do the Talking

Posted on April 6, 2020 by Sin City Cinephile / 1 Comment

Stress gets to the best of us. And though deep conversation can help with relaxation, try something different for Week 14 of 52 Love: pamper your partner by massaging a non-sexual body part.

Are there any? No, not really. Any part of your body (especially your mind) can become an instrument for sexual pleasure. The twist for this week’s loving gesture is to focus on a part of the body not primarily associated with sex. Trust me. You’ll get there.

Non-sexual massage allows you to serve your partner with love—to care for your partner’s body. Notice I said non-sexual, not non-sensual. Whether you kneel before your lover to caress tight thighs or straddle his back and rub his bare shoulders, your loving act stimulates affection with this less-lusty form of physical intimacy. Soothe sore muscles with smooth strokes. Delve deeper to relax unwanted tension. Nourish the skin you adore with the rhythmic pulse of your palms. The love you feel will pass from your flesh to his.

On a small scale, this act can enhance an uneventful evening: a scalp massage while he reads a book, a hand massage as you watch your favorite series together. Expand the experience by including more of your lover’s body. Wrists. Elbows. Knees. Toes. Explore your partner in ways you haven’t. Learn his skin and his reaction to your touch. This wordless communication will speak volumes in a language reserved for only you two.

Bonus points for surprising your sweetie after a shower. Imagine his elation as he dries off with a warm towel and steps into the serene milieu of a personal spa. Prepare soft linens, light candles, and conduct your massage to the score of his favorite relaxing tunes. Heat scented oils to glide over his skin while you caress him, kneading away needless worries with your touch, your time, your service. In this case, fingers, not words voice your love.

52 Love/Favorite Characters

Biblio Bliss

Posted on March 30, 2020 by Sin City Cinephile / 2 Comments

For Week 13 of 52 Love, allow me to revisit Lucian’s bag of tricks. While the main character in my story battles to avoid a romance with the man in question, he shows up on her doorstep and surprises her with a sunset picnic—romantic on its own (and a topic I may cover in this series). As if his many charms weren’t challenging enough to resist, before the light fades, he pulls out a favorite book from his youth and tempts her with the aural pleasure of his mellifluous voice while he reads it to her. Spoiler alert: By the end of the picnic, she is putty in his lap.

Though you may not possess Lucian’s cunning finesse, you can show genuine love through the same tactic. Reading to your partner brings you closer as a couple. This shared intimacy taps into your sapiosexual cells by intersecting your intellectual attraction with the physical and emotional draw you have to one another—a powerful experience that will bind you together.

The subject matter doesn’t need to be romantic. Read any type of narrative you like. The act of sharing a story together mirrors the closeness of making love. Regardless of the topic, this intimacy stimulates romance.

Reading the story aloud will increase your own enjoyment too. Slow your pace. Breathe in the experience as your tongue lifts the words from the pages. Appreciate the language choices, the rhythm of the sentences, the flood of emotions now shared with your lover. Emphasize the sensuality of the act by wrapping your arm around her while you read. Snuggle close so she can savor the hum of your voice vibrating through your chest, the thrum of your heartbeat as you share this adventure. The endorphins released from this loving act will help you both sleep better, either from the comforting lull of warm affection or the night of passion your unity inspires.