52 Love

Tour Your Town

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When people hear “staycation,” they often envision in-house entertainment. Let’s expand that concept beyond the borders of your home. Some of my readers know I’m part of an organization that hosts an annual writer’s conference. A few years back, after a fun, but exhausting day of learning, a writer friend offered the faculty a personal tour of downtown Las Vegas. It was a blast! I saw the city in new neon lights and learned parts of my town’s history I never would have known. That experience inspired this week’s post. For week 32 of 52 Love, take your partner sightseeing in your own city.

Among the many benefits of playing tourist for a day, local sightseeing is a way to spend rich time together without spending all your silver. Instead of paying for travel and housing, you can invest in fun: tickets to that old haunted mansion (most of us have one), or burlesque museum fees, or indulge in edible souvenirs.  Or cut all costs, pack a cooler, and cruise the local arts’ district.

You and your partner not sure where to go? Ask out-of-town family where they’d visit if offered a free weekend. Perhaps you have a well-informed local friend who can show you around as if you were new. Check websites that offer recommendations about what makes your town special.

View your city with fresh eyes and an open mind. It’s easy to take a familiar setting for granted, but try digging into its history. Who is responsible for its origin and current state? What are the stories that bind it? Rather than travel in the way you’re accustomed, change your usual transportation. Walk a path you typically drive.  Register for a tour bus. If you’re in Vegas, take flight in a helicopter tour. By changing your method of moving throughout familiar surroundings, you and your partner may absorb the ambiance with an enhanced sense of setting and add a new dimension to your appreciation of your home base.

When you tour your own town, old knowledge feels new again. Long-forgotten details resurface. Many annals update with the times. Embrace the chance to connect those historical lessons with the city you both know and renew your relationship along the way. Take photos to preserve your fresh memories from your new experience with old places. Renew your love of the city and, with it, your love of each other.

If you try this intimacy tip or have a better recommendation, let me know in the comments. For weekly suggestions on how to show your partner love, sign up for my blog, 52 Love, in the sidebar.

52 Love

The Joy of Nature

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Sleeping outdoors isn’t for everybody. I’ll admit, it’s not for me. My idea of romance comes closer to making eyes over a candlelit dinner. But I’m the type of author who listens to my characters. One charming scene-stealer has it in mind to take my heroine camping, despite her severe dislike for unhygienic surroundings. As he plotted his options, his inner monologue began to sway me into considering it as a suggestion for this series. The more I considered it, the more he changed my mind. As a bonus, I saw opportunities to practice earlier 52 Love tips in new surroundings.

A camping trip helps you and your partner fall away from the outside world and live in the moment, be that an adventuresome moment or one of peaceful stillness. As we’ve touched on many times, our regular lives keep us distracted and busy. When you try to relax at home, it often feels like you should be doing something else—preparing for the future, planning another task, or performing responsibilities. Whether you’re new to one another or have cherished each other for years, couples camping offers a chance to unwind together in a laid back environment.

Escaping from home helps you disconnect from constant bids for your attention and reconnect with your partner. Let the natural calm ease your day-to-day tension. Hike an interesting trail, climb trees, bird watch in comfortable silence, skip rocks in a nearby pond. Use the break to unplug from digital life and enjoy each other’s company, free from distractions and obligations.

Absorb the sounds and silence of nature. While strolling beside a riverbank hand in hand, enjoy meaningful conversations. Or don’t talk at all. Quiet and solitude work wonders to cleanse your soul. Whether you’re the type of couple to eat your daily stream catches or bring hobo dinners to cook over the campfire, prepping and cooking your meals together will serve as its own intimacy aid.

Outdoor adventures reinforce team mentality. Working together to set up camp—scouting a site, pitching a tent, preparing the fire—reminds couples they rely on each other for survival. Sitting across from each other in a restaurant doesn’t do that. Without the distraction of other patrons or interrupting waiters, engage over fireside chats. Share stories—fun frightening fiction, cherished childhood memories, hopes for your future, or naughty tales to inspire the evening’s climax.

And to that note, the great outdoors inspires primal urges. Being miles from civilization means there’s no need to mute your enjoyment of one another. Screaming sexual appreciation is more fun than muffling cries of joy in the bedroom and even more satisfying than shouting your love from the rooftop. It’s certainly more private.

Surrounded by the stillness in the air, slip into each other’s arms and sink into the setting: a slight breeze, invisible crickets chirping, and the kindle crackling before you. Succumb to the draw of staring into a campfire together. Feed each other s’mores. Snuggle under the stars. Embrace the romance of quiet seclusion.

If you try this intimacy tip or have a better recommendation, let me know in the comments. For weekly suggestions on how to show your partner love, sign up for my blog, 52 Love, in the sidebar.

52 Love

Fulfilling Fantasies

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We’ve reached the last week in July, and with it, the final attire-themed intimacy tip. Although the month focused a lot on what to wear, this week may have your clothes flying. For Week 30 of 52 Love, engage in a seductive game of roleplay, starring you and your partner.

Roleplaying can help overcome inhibitions. Some may fantasize about dressing like a 1950s housewife while their partner (or perhaps the milkman) bends them over the kitchen counter in broad daylight, a completely different experience than for contemporary lovers. Others may fancy the taboo of sex with a stranger, regardless of the era. Whether you live a very controlled life and secretly covet being told what to do, or you’ve always wanted to tie your partner to the bed to please him a thousand new ways, exploring your desires together will lead to a deeper, more intimate understanding of each other.

Fantasy intensifies the sexual experience. Playing through sexy scenarios as different characters allows you to embark through new territory together. Masked by your costumes, you can boldly experiment with dirty talk or different positions without fear. The uptight teacher will apply ruler lashings without hesitancy. Randy Repairman will embrace the naughty pipe puns that would make your usual self giggle.  Let your creative juices flow as you invent your scenarios. And if you or your partner reach your limit, simply slip back into your own skin and voice it.

When approached from a partnership of sanctuary, roleplay strengthens the physical and emotional bond. However you initiate the topic, start from a place of encouragement. Assure your partner that the suggestion stems from a desire to grow closer, not from dissatisfaction with previous performances.

Fantasies vary. Roleplaying brings many connotations to mind. One person’s French maid is another person’s midnight intruder. Ignore what you think the world says you should want. Let go of unrealistic expectations that may discourage you from moving beyond your usual boundaries. This exercise is about realizing your fantasies and those of your partner. Those are the only opinions that matter.

Communication is key.  The more you share, the better you can meet each other’s desires. Ease into the conversation by asking about his turn-ons. Admit that the topic makes you nervous too. Working through insecurities together will bolster against that vulnerability when sharing your fantasies.

Depending on your relationship, you may feel comfortable suggesting roleplay without reservations or perhaps you prefer an indirect approach. If the latter, consider watching a film with an erotic scene and asking your partner if he’s ever wanted to try something like that. Be prepared to answer the same question. If the conversation goes well, you may be in the market for a sexy firefighter outfit, though whether it’s for you or him, only the two of you need know.

Reading sexy stories to each other, or better yet, narrating original tales can open the door to sexual roleplay. These stories can help transition timid partners and pave the way to more elaborate playtime. The best way to get past embarrassment is through trying. If the character you’re playing is free to speak, help your partner push through the initial bashfulness with sexy encouragements. And if you find your mouth too hindered with a gag or some other obstruction, then you’re already well on your way to fulfilling fantasies.

If you try this intimacy tip or have a better recommendation, let me know in the comments. For weekly suggestions on how to show your partner love, sign up for my blog, 52 Love, in the sidebar.

52 Love

Get Out of Character to Get Into Character

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This week, as the next step in our attire-themed intimacy tips, let’s stretch our imagination in a different direction. Many anticipate Halloween as a yearly excuse to transform, an opportunity to shed one’s day-to-day appearance for something more exciting. Trying new things together keeps relationships fresh. For Week 29 of 52 Love, transform your relationship by ditching your everyday costumes.

Cosplay can be as simple as dressing like beloved characters from a television series. Or you can manifest meticulous recreations of larger-than-life superheroes. Escape from everyday monotony by bringing your fantasies to life.

As a portmanteau of “costume” and “play,” cosplay allows a fun way to reveal pieces of yourself that may usually stay hidden. Couples’ cosplay encourages you to explore those pieces together. You can dress as a fictional couple, share individual favorites with each other, or cater to each other’s whims. Perhaps your partner has a favorite character whose look really excites her. Imagine how she’ll respond when she sees you dressed that way.

Some people want to jump right into character without the hassle of sewing and gluing pieces. Others love the thrill of creating the looks from scratch. Whether you and your partner choose to buy or create, embrace the chance to embark on a new adventure together.

If you’re new to cosplay, no need to spend exorbitant amounts of money on costumes or props. You’ll be surprised at the treasures one finds in thrift stores and clearance sections. If you and your partner have already dabbled in cosplay, maybe it’s time to elevate your game with more elaborate costumes. Get creative with gender-bending versions. Or conceive interpretations that you’ve always wanted to see.

One of you too shy to go all out? Wear something that doesn’t attract more attention than you desire. The subtle suspenders from your Dr. Who getup may not garner the same recognition as full-blown Storm Trooper armor, but what the common observer misses becomes a shared secret between you and your partner. Rather than focus on outward dress alone, pay homage to the qualities you admire in the character. Sprinkle your conversation with phrases from your character’s unique vocabulary.

Stepping into the boots of a powerful character can boost your confidence. Many cosplayers are shy, yet once they slip into their costumes, the character’s traits shield the wearer from perceived vulnerabilities. This new strength can lead to playtime with your partner. Give yourselves permission to behave more boldly than you might ordinarily. Reinvent yourselves and your roles in your surroundings. Adjust your plans to your mutual level of comfort. Since you and your partner define the rules, there’s no way to fail.

In time, you and your partner may extend your cosplay into bigger adventures. Throw a themed party. Hit the Renaissance Fair. Dress up for a children’s charity. I’m not suggesting you sign up for the next cosplay convention, though if you and your partner are game, why not go for it? Whether it’s for private enjoyment, public spectacle, or somewhere in between, revel in the new dimension cosplay can add to your relationship.

If you try this intimacy tip or have a better recommendation, let me know in the comments. For weekly suggestions on how to show your partner love, sign up for my blog, 52 Love, in the sidebar.

52 Love

Dress Up for a Night In

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We focused on attire the last two weeks. This week, we continue the fashion trend. You’ve dressed each other. Now, it’s time to dress yourself. In style. Fancy clothes sometimes feel like an indulgence reserved for an outside cause. For Week 28 of 52 Love, let that cause be each other. You and your partner will dress for a night on the town. Then stay home.

This week, as you prepare for a dinner date at home, let your personality shine through. Clothing and fashion choices are key parts of self-expression. In previous weeks, you’ve paid attention to your partner’s wardrobe preferences. If your choices do not reflect those, perhaps part of your evening’s conversation can include the motivations for your selections. For most, what we wear and how people react to it affect our self-esteem. Use this opportunity to reveal your vulnerability and deepen your intimacy. Encourage your partner to do the same.

Mood and clothing are intertwined. Dressing special will make you both feel special. Posture shows alertness. Alertness shows interest. Your posture improves when you dress well, which leads to a more attentive encounter with your partner. Even the ritual of preparing yourself for a night out will boost your spirits. Embrace the excitement of dressing up even though you plan to stay home.

Pay the usual attention to grooming as you would if you intended to leave the house. If you wear makeup, brush on a glamorous look. No matter where you use your razor, apply a fresh shave. Accessorize. Spritz cologne. Wear shoes. You can kick them off after dinner, when you are in the relaxing phase of your evening. But to start your at-home date, complete your ensemble with a sexy boot or designer heel, whatever makes you feel most attractive.

Even if you keep the dinner simple, or order takeout, dress up your surroundings as well. Tidy the applicable areas of your home. Light candles. Use cloth napkins. If you’re a paper plate household, pull out the real dishes and flatware. Create an ambiance with the setting that suits your evening’s agenda. As a bonus, open a favorite bottle of wine and enjoy to your heart’s content.

The important thing is that you and your partner create an environment conducive to celebrating your love and demonstrating your importance to one another. Instead of making a statement to the world with your clothes, you’re declaring your love for each other. You are reason enough for me to look my best. You are what makes the occasion special.

If you try this intimacy tip or have a better recommendation, let me know in the comments. For weekly suggestions on how to show your partner love, sign up for my blog, 52 Love, in the sidebar.

 

52 Love

Gonna Dress You Up in My Love

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Last week we discussed playing dress-up doll for an outing and solidifying your place as the babe of your partner’s dreams. This week, let’s use what we learned on the receiving end to return the favor. Now that you’ve established a stronger trust in your relationship, build on that by switching roles in this experiment. As with any tip, this exercise will only work with your partner’s freely given consent. If your partner is willing, for week 27 of 52 Love, let last week’s dressee be the dressor.

We all wish for our lover to find us attractive. Last week’s lesson taught us about the confidence connected with boldly wearing an outfit, knowing that your appearance appeals to your partner. Now that it’s your turn to choose, search for items that highlight your partner’s best attributes. Is there a blouse that flatters her figure? A skirt that hugs those hips you love to squeeze? Perhaps there’s a scarf with the right splash of color to highlight the sparkle of her eyes. Use this opportunity to spotlight your partner’s physical beauty.

Take care to avoid comments that diminish your partner’s confidence. Focus on what you do like instead of perceived imperfections she may wish to hide. This isn’t the time to suggest constricting slimwear for the sake of body shaming. Creating or feeding an insecurity complex will sabotage your efforts to grow closer. If you, however, go crazy at the sight of her favorite red corset cinching her waist, then by all means, ardently accentuate her assets.

The important thing is to make her feel loved and admired in the outfit you piece together. If she squirms from insecurity, bolster her confidence with the reasons you admire this look on her. If she grumbles about clashing items, work together to find something that satisfies the look you want while alleviating her concerns. As the initiator, you should accommodate her despite your efforts to avoid such conflict when roles were reversed. The onus is yours to keep the peace. In time, perhaps she’ll discover 52 Love and you’ll receive the same considerations.

As you assemble her ensemble, help her into each piece. Glide your fingers along her waistband before you fasten the snap. Breathe in the scent of her hair while you pinch her zipper tab and slide it through its shiny teeth. Slowly button your way up the silky material that conceals her soft, smooth skin. Use the proximity as a means of foreplay, a promise of what’s to come when you return home.

Once you hit the town, continue to assure your partner of her emphasized beauty. Smile when you catch her eye. Strut proudly beside her as you pass onlookers. Comment on how much she excites you. Pull a phrase or two from Week 9. And once you get home, show the same level of care as you applied selecting the night’s ensemble when undressing your lovely lady.

If you try this intimacy tip or have a better recommendation, let me know in the comments. For weekly suggestions on how to show your partner love, sign up for my blog, 52 Love, in the sidebar.

52 Love

Be A Doll

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As we reach the half-way point for 52 Love, let’s reflect on how we’ve shown our partners affection this year. We’ve held hands, gazed into each other’s eyes, and listened to one another. Most 52 Love tips focused on one person’s efforts. This week’s suggestion may challenge you both equally.

For week 26, let your partner dress you for a shared outing. We aren’t all blessed with style fashionistas for partners. This venture will be riskier for some than others. You may fear he’ll pair clashing items, or worry he’ll dress you in something too sexy to leave the house—he does love the way you look in nothing but his old gym shirt. Regardless of how you feel about the ensemble he chooses, maintain your poker face. Surrender to your partner’s whims. This isn’t about yielding power. It’s about sharing the experience and learning what your partner likes. Whatever his choice, allowing this push out of your comfort zone is part of the deal.

This may be scary for him too. He won’t want to disappoint you and may feel out of his depths. Resist the urge to make suggestions. Wearing what he chooses, evidences your trust in his competence, which strengthens your bond as a couple. It’s all connected. You open the door to him. In accepting what he brings without judgment, you increase his trust and affection for you.

It may help to set some ground rules. Your partner can’t ask you to leave the house in something that breaks public indecency laws. Stay home if he picks the gym shirt. And you should be able to voice if something causes pain or physical discomfort (itchy, too hot or cold for the season). Stay silent if it only discomforts your vanity. If you’re feeling particularly vulnerable by your partner’s selection, ask his reason for the choice. When asked without criticism, the question may receive an answer that inspires pride, not embarrassment.

Have faith. Your partner may surprise you. He might retrieve an old forgotten item from the back of your closet or pair typically mismatched patterns with an impressive flair of style. You may learn your partner leans toward bright colors, lacy tops, or polka dot bow ties. Or, he may reveal a strong desire for skin-tight, black, and shiny. Even if it’s not attractive to you, wear the outfit with pride. Remember, you look great to him.

Embrace the confidence boost from knowing the most important person in your world thinks you’re a knockout today. As you saunter toward the eyes of the public, ignore your increased sense of self-awareness, and instead, focus on your partner’s fixation on you as he parades past your perceived paparazzi with his personal dress-up doll on his arm. After an evening of him gazing at you, eyes full of love and admiration, you may walk away from this experiment with the confidence to take more risks with your wardrobe. You’ll certainly take more risks with him.

If you try this intimacy tip or have a better recommendation, let me know in the comments. For weekly suggestions on how to show your partner love, sign up for my blog, 52 Love, in the sidebar.

52 Love

Fall through the Windows to the Soul

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Though I write about love, Romance novels aren’t my favorite to read. As with any genre, though, I occasionally find a sparkling jewel among the unpolished stones. One such gem, Nicola Yoon’s The Sun is Also a Star, taught me that four silent minutes can ignite a spark between people. That lesson prompted this week’s tip. If looking into a stranger’s eyes for four minutes makes you fall in love, consider how it can increase intimacy between existing lovers. My recommendation for Week 25 of 52 Love is to find a quiet spot, silence notifications, and gaze into your partner’s eyes for four minutes.

Constant eye contact may sound daunting. In our digital point-and-click world, four minutes is a long time to focus on anything, let alone stare at someone without talking. At first, your emotional discomfort may manifest in physical ticks. This isn’t a staring contest. It’s acceptable to blink. It’s okay to laugh, too. Expect a few outbursts of nervous smiling until you settle in together.

Because you care more about what she thinks of you, staring into your partner’s eyes may be more challenging than staring into a stranger’s. Not only are you looking at your partner, you are allowing her to see you. Similar to tandem prayer, this experience opens the door to shared vulnerability. So long as you take the exercise seriously—no funny faces— you can ride those awkward waves together.

Focused eye contact stimulates affection. Once you get past the initial strangeness, you and your partner will be open and connected to one another. The quiet moments might trigger memories from your time together or inspire new appreciation for the sparkle shining your way. Eye contact can also cause arousal. Whatever your response, channel those thoughts and emotions into a four-minute reminder to treasure your partner and appreciate her presence in your life.

This focused time invites you and your partner to forge a tighter bond and strengthen your connection. Afterward, you can discuss how you felt during the four minutes. Better yet, show your partner how you feel now.

If you try this intimacy tip or have a better recommendation, let me know in the comments. For weekly suggestions on how to show your partner love, sign up for my blog, 52 Love, in the sidebar.

52 Love

Keep that Love Machine Humming

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Car-washing is an important, time-consuming task. It isn’t a need, but it feels like one. Yet no matter the method, I grumble through the car-washing process. At a commercial facility, the chairs in the waiting area are dirty, the floor is sticky, and the combination of grease, chemicals, and industrial cleaner nauseates me. The wait steals precious time from chores, responsibilities, or activities I actually enjoy. And, using the drive-through isn’t much better. It saves time, but the interior stays dirty and the exterior only gets cleanish.

Imagine my delight when I find that someone else has handled this for me. Sparkling dash, conditioned seats, vacuumed floors, smudge-free mats—all without having to leave my home. Now imagine your partner’s appreciation should you handle it for him.

Cleaning your partner’s vehicle is a way to show him love in a practical way. Depending on his preference, you could run it through the wash and clean the interior on your own, or sit through the commercial wash for him. Either way, you free up his time to spend elsewhere and remind him that you love him.

For some, car-washing is an endeavor they’d prefer to experience first-hand than relinquish to someone else. Rather than hijack the task, help him with the workload. In this day and age, anyone who chooses to clean a car by hand is likely particular about the method and result. You’re undertaking this task to get closer, not argue about his OCD. It’s his car. You’re showing him love. Wash it his way. Does he insist on a specific order for which segments to tackle? Does he prefer concentric circles for applying wax? Follow the order and his instructions, even if you find them ridiculous. It’s not the car-washing that’s important to you. It’s him.

If you’re feeling especially frisky, get playful with it. Slip into your shortest cut-offs and don a white T-shirt to play out the sudsy car-washing fantasy. Tease him with naughty talk while you spritz him with the hose. Regardless of your own gender, this experience will cling to him like the see-through shirt you “accidentally” soaked. And once his vehicle is pristine and clean, you can help each other out of those wet clothes.

If you try this intimacy tip or have a better recommendation, let me know in the comments. For weekly suggestions on how to show your partner love, sign up for my blog, 52 Love, in the sidebar.

 

52 Love

Compassionate Companionship

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Originally I scheduled this tip later in the 52 Love series. Current events compelled me to present it sooner. Regardless of the season, volunteering together is a wonderful way to bond with your partner.

Flexing empathetic muscles helps with understanding other people’s needs and struggles. That generosity strengthens you as a person, which translates to you becoming a better mate. When you volunteer together, you’ll see the best in each other, and ultimately, feel better about yourself and your partner. Embrace the chance to see your partner’s altruistic side. Show her yours. No matter the cause you support, develop those useful skills and apply them to each other.

Building compassion builds companionship. Create memorable experiences when volunteering together. The act of helping others releases oxytocin. Increase your pleasure by experiencing that release together. It’s not the reason to serve others, but it’s an inevitable byproduct of the experience. Enjoy those positive vibes together. Whether the invigoration from your volunteer work at the local wolf sanctuary or the shared victory when a child you’ve mentored crosses the finish line at the Special Olympics, your charitable time will manifest into treasured memories. Through these shared, meaningful experiences, your partnership will grow stronger and more connected.

Eventually, volunteering together will establish an environment of appreciation in your relationship and allow you to grow into better versions of yourselves. Witnessing other people’s challenges can humble you and your partner. Use that humility to boost your gratitude for the blessings in your life.  Reinforce those shared values by counting your blessings together. Let it foster a philosophy of kindness between you. Not only you as a couple, but the plural you and the world.

Helping others, especially when feeling down yourself, offers a boost to your own morale and wellbeing. Moreover, if you point that charitable heart toward a cause near and dear to your partner, you will help others and strengthen your relationship. Learn about her passions and fight for her causes. Whether that means you donate funds to World Wildlife Fund, organize a donation drive for homeless teens, or march on the front lines at a protest, your actions prove that you stand united with her and that things that matter to her, matter to you.

If you try this intimacy tip or have a better recommendation, let me know in the comments. For weekly suggestions on how to show your partner love, sign up for my blog, 52 Love, in the sidebar.