52 Love

Keep Him Guessing

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Falling into a comfortable routine with your partner is one mark of a successful relationship. And though routines help smooth everyday activities, they don’t promote romance or passion. Even the most dynamic couples have their mundane moments. Surprises spark thrills, wonder, and a burst of elation. For week 42 of 52 Love, answer “the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything” by stimulating unexpected joy.

One reason birthdays and gift-giving holidays are so exciting is the element of surprise those presents bring. Anticipation surges between both parties during the exchange. As the receiver sheds the package, revealing the gift, the giver watches for his reaction with similar hopeful expectation. When successful, the shared jolt of joy enhances their bond. Both sets of eyes brighten and they share a look of love and gratitude.

A surprise can be as simple as buying flowers for no reason or as extravagant as planning a weekend getaway. So long as it triggers unexpected Happy, you have accomplished your goal. The intent behind your surprise is the intimate moment you create. The residual reward is the shared memory of that moment.

Choose an ordinary day for your surprise. Without the expectation of a gift, the delight doubles. As does the appreciation. Focus on your partner’s desires, not yours, even if it means going outside your comfort zone. Unexpected tickets to see the Dodgers might excite you, but if it’s not your partner’s ball game, find another way to knock it out of the park.

Over the course of 52 Love, we’ve covered many tips that could serve this purpose. Talk dirty for a night. Relive your first date. Tackle your partner’s to-do list. Treat him to an unplanned afternoon delight. Or spring a new pleasure on your partner, a unique gift specific to him. Cue up a movie he’s been begging you to watch, then sit through it with the aim to enjoy. Tell him he looks nice before he asks. Prepare a treasure hunt around your house. Nibble his sweet spot on the sly when you’re in public.  Leave a naughty note for him to find when you’re apart.

Feeling ambitious? Create the ultimate surprise by masterminding an experience from his bucket list. Take one of those intimate goals or secret fantasies he shared with you in your couple’s journal and make it a reality. Amaze your partner by demonstrating your attention to his dreams.

Sprinkling unpredictable moments into your life with your partner can add a spark of delight that keeps your routine days vibrant. When you look back on your years together, you’ll find a journey full of surprises.

If you try this intimacy tip or have a better recommendation, let me know in the comments. For weekly suggestions on how to show your partner love, sign up for my blog, 52 Love, in the sidebar.

52 Love

Lip Service

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When it comes to romance, Shakespeare has the best way with words. Rather than ask for a kiss directly, his Romeo wooed Juliet by suggesting they “let lips do what hands do.” Whether you are looking to form sensuous habits to fuel your passion for decades, or you need a way to reignite those passions, use this week to follow the Bard’s advice. For week 41 of 52 Love, let your lips do what your hands did in Week 3.

Pre-relationship kisses spark emotional fireworks and send your stomach aflutter. Once you establish yourselves as a couple, the frequency of those liplocks might dwindle. The chaos and stress of everyday life can overwhelm the strongest of people. Many couples find themselves pulled in several different directions. Kissing keeps you centered on each other by bringing you back together.

Regular kissing fosters security. Even a quick peck in greeting or parting restores your connection. It reminds your partner that whatever challenges the day brings, she is not alone. Think of your kisses as the glue that holds your partnership together. When words fail, you can still communicate your heart with your lips. Kisses are such a universal communicator of love that mammals who can’t speak our language use them to share their affection. In this way, use your lips to fortify your relationship against the world’s stressors.

Kisses create emotional intimacy. Through physical contact, you and your partner share your vulnerability in the comfort of each other’s space. Being so close physically lowers emotional barriers and builds a foundation of trust.

Habitual kissing can also produce hormones that decrease stress and calm your neural system. Dopamine release gives pleasure. Oxytocin promotes bonding. Kissing triggers both. Even if you are anxious before you kiss, the act itself soothes anxiety. Once your lips touch, your focus is on each other and the intense sensations your kiss sparks.

The combination of decreased stress and increased pleasure boosts your immune system. That’s right; kissing is good for your health! Unlike exercise or nutrition, which need time to take effect, the benefits of kissing are immediate. If one good kiss can affect you this much, imagine what a night of snogging can do.

Kissing is natural foreplay, but it doesn’t have to provoke more. When you practice this week’s lesson, treat the kiss itself as a sexual act. Lead into it. Take it slow to build excitement. Nuzzle noses. Mingle breaths. Brush your lips along hers. Tease with your tongue.

Go in for the kiss. Then back away. Make her want before you sate her craving. Then crash your mouths together in a mash of longing, lust, and love. Inhale her scent. Taste her tongue. Feel the passionate press of her lips. Then practice your kisses on other parts of her body. Let every part of your partner feel the depth of your love. When you’re through, you’ll ensure that those butterflies from your early days keep their wings.

If you try this intimacy tip or have a better recommendation, let me know in the comments. For weekly suggestions on how to show your partner love, sign up for my blog, 52 Love, in the sidebar.

52 Love

Paint by Lovers

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On its own, painting is a stress-relieving hobby. When painting with your partner, your activity morphs into quality time full of laughter, conversation, playful banter, and shared creativity. Like last week, a photo inspired this 52 Love tip. During my pre-draft research, I discovered that couple’s painting is an established (marketed and monetized) pastime. In the interest of our 52 Love intimacy goals, we’ll focus on a cozier at-home experience.

Painting can be as messy as it is fun. Collect your materials before cracking open your acrylics: canvas(es), easel(s), brushes, aprons, palette (even a paper plate will do), and of course, a variety of colorful paints. Purchase completed kits online or shop hobby stores that offer budget-priced supplies.

Consider your options for how you’ll create together. Share a canvas: you and your partner work together, dipping into paint, blending colors, and brushing strokes toward a single collaborative goal. Or design a tandem diptych: place separate canvases side by side. You and your partner paint half a single picture on your respective canvases. When joined, they create one image. Like you and your partner, the two become one.

Acrylic washes off skin, but stains clothing. Wear something appropriate, or if you don’t wish to risk your apparel, decorate your canvas au naturel. Depending on how wild you plan to get, a tarp may be in order.

Allow at least two hours. You can’t rush great art. See where your creative juices take you. Stroke your canvas at a slow and steady pace. Score your affair with music to set the mood. Pour your favorite libations. Keep snacks on hand to keep up your energy. Then ease into an experience teeming with romance and relaxation.

There’s no pressure to paint the next Picasso. Choose simple designs that please your eye. Take a familiar image and alter the colors. Enlist the help of an online step-by-step tutorial. Or let your imaginations run wild as your collective passions splash the canvas. No matter your (or your partner’s) level of artistic skill, your painting will make a lovely memento you both can treasure forever. Almost as much as you do each other.

If you try this intimacy tip or have a better recommendation, let me know in the comments. For weekly suggestions on how to show your partner love, sign up for my blog, 52 Love, in the sidebar.

52 Love/Favorite Characters

Pique-Nique Mystique

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Picnics are a delicious change of pace. A different setting is sometimes all you need to refresh your routines. Cooler evenings near early autumn make the perfect setting for outdoor eating. Whether you plan for day or night, eating alfresco allows you to change the scenery, escape the confines of your house, and experience nature. When you picnic in your backyard, you can enjoy the fresh air and open skies, all within reach of home comforts.

Though outdoor meals feel spontaneous, they require planning. First, check the weather. One benefit of picnicking in your backyard is that even if there are surprise showers, you’re mere meters from shelter. That said, it’s best to factor in the forecast to ensure picnic-perfect conditions.

Gather outdoor essentials so you don’t have to make multiple trips into the house: napkins, utility lighter, bug spray, trash bag, maybe even an extension cord. Grab a box for an impromptu table. You can keep things simple with disposable plates and cutlery, or take advantage of your proximity to home and use real dishes to add a dash of elegance.

Find a cozy nook with soft grass and a great view of the sky. Lay a comfy bedspread on the ground. If the yard is damp, protect your soft furnishings with a tarp beneath them. Arrange your blanket with plush pillows and a decorative duvet or two.

Hang rice paper balls, colorful bunting, or outdoor lanterns from low branches to boost the festive feel. Accent your setup with fresh flowers, votive candles, or battery-powered tea lights. Remember the picnic basket. Even though you’re only a few steps from your kitchen, packing your meal in wicker will add to the ambiance.

Prepare a romantic playlist on your phone or mp3 player and connect it to a portable speaker. Or if you’ve been together long enough to have a treasured mixtape from your courtship, go old school and dust off your antique boom box.

While it may be fun to whip up a gourmet meal to eat in a picnic setting, my recommendation is to enhance the romance with finger foods you can feed to each other. Again I fall to the example of my character Lucian, who whisked away his love interest for a sunset picnic, offered his lap as a pillow, read to her (swoon), and hand-fed plump, juicy grapes as an excuse to keep his fingers near her lovely lips. Imagine this scene between existing lovers.

Tantalize your partner with foreplay food choices. Butter-brushed baguette slices. Fresh strawberries and cream. Graham cracker cookies dipped in rich chocolate. Savory or sweet, accompany your delicacies with a bottle of wine served in plastic flutes (or glass if you trust yourselves with them in the yard).

Aim for minimal clean-up and maximum romance. Whether you opt for simple sandwiches or create a themed menu, the main ingredients in your backyard repast are you and your partner.

In between feeding each other delectables, indulge in your private setting. Hidden in your backyard, hands are free to roam without concern of public detection. Wear loose clothing for easier access. Slip your fingers between cotton and skin as a precursor to your indoor fun. Bon appétit!

If you try this intimacy tip or have a better recommendation, let me know in the comments. For weekly suggestions on how to show your partner love, sign up for my blog, 52 Love, in the sidebar.

52 Love

Disconnect to Reconnect

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We’ve all experienced those moments. You’re sharing a beloved movie with your partner. The film approaches an exciting scene. In anticipation of your partner’s reaction, you turn to watch his face. His eyes light up. His smile brightens. He chuckles and…

…it’s all directed at his media feed.

No one enjoys getting phubbed—when someone ignores you for their phone. When your partner does it, the injury cuts deeper. For Week 38 of 52 Love, unplug for some quality time together. Remove distracting phones, get cozy on the couch, and watch an uninterrupted movie.

Phone-free movie time might be a challenge for some. We’ve conditioned ourselves to have a cellphone within reach. Yet, smartphone dependency has a negative impact on relationship satisfaction. Continual focus on your phone communicates that news apps, social media, and text messages are more important than your partner. Take a night to enjoy a movie together without the threat of interrupting pings, chimes, flashes, and buzzes.

Treat it like a first date. If during your introduction to one another you kept one eye glued to your phone, there probably wouldn’t have been a second date. Not being available to everyone sends the message that your attention is valuable. Show your partner his importance to you by denying the outside world access.

Keep in mind, a cellphone’s mere presence distracts your brain. Even when it’s silenced. Even on airplane mode. Even if it’s powered off. When your phone is within reach, some of your cognitive energy is tethered to it. Sever that tie by removing the phone from the equation.

To ensure the evening remains a no-phone movie night, leave your cell in another room, far out of reach for temptation. Focus on the film, breaking only to share a look or a laugh. Phoneless fingers free your digits for hand-holding or sneaky, snuggling strokes. And who knows—what starts with phoneless movies may develop into fully unplugged date nights. Enjoy dinner without checking your feeds. Finish a conversation without interruptive notifications. Practice 52 Love tips for Week 4, Week 13, and Week 20 without phone distractions. In time, you may beat your nomophobia, improve your quality time, and make no-phone date nights a rule rather than an exception.

If you try this intimacy tip or have a better recommendation, let me know in the comments. For weekly suggestions on how to show your partner love, sign up for my blog, 52 Love, in the sidebar.

52 Love

Labor of Love

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We all have chores we dread. At some point, most couples argue over domestic responsibilities. Anxiety from unfinished chores often creates relationship discord. Whether both parties work at home, from home, or offsite, partners who assist each other with the household reap domestic harmony.

This week’s post won’t debate the division of labor in your home. That’s a topic for another blog. 52 Love is about helping you grow closer to your partner by actively working toward greater intimacy. In Week 11 we discussed speaking gratitude for the thankless tasks your partner regularly shoulders alone. This week, regardless of which of you bears the brunt of the household chores, show appreciation and humility to your partner by assisting her with something she usually handles on her own.

There are countless tasks you could commandeer for your partner. Empty the litterbox. Take the dog for a walk. Drop off the library books. Sweep the tile. Rake the leaves. Water the plants. Wash the windows—nobody wants to do that. The list is endless. And if you aren’t sure how you can be of service, simply ask: How may I help?

If your partner is finicky about specific chores, such as how to properly load a dishwasher or the best way to organize the cupboards, you have two options. Steer clear of chores that might trigger a soapbox correction, or embrace your partner’s idiosyncrasies and indulge her in her preferences. The former skirts a potential squabble. The latter goes the extra mile by communicating that her predilections are important to you. Either option serves your purpose.

Stress decreases libido. Willingness to serve is attractive in a mate. Higher sexual satisfaction is linked to partners who pull their weight around the house. Splitting the work means there’s more energy for sex and more motivation for your partner to initiate it.

Your partner’s chore list might be particularly long this week. Rather than grab for low-hanging fruit, divide and conquer the big tasks so you can regroup with quality time when the work is finished. Or reinforce that you’re a team by doing the chores together.

Flirt while you work. Brush your side along hers as you wash and dry dishes together. Slip sexy banter into your conversation while you both fold laundry. Turn chore play into foreplay, which leads to the most intimate of post-work celebrations: messing up the sheets together.

If you try this intimacy tip or have a better recommendation, let me know in the comments. For weekly suggestions on how to show your partner love, sign up for my blog, 52 Love, in the sidebar.

52 Love

Once More with Feeling

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Anxiety abounds during a first date. You don’t know if you’ll enjoy the food. Or the activities. Worse, you aren’t sure if you’ll like each other. Yet hope blooms. You spend hours pining and preparing for what may lead to the greatest love of your life. For week 36 of 52 Love, I invite you to relive the beginning of your journey with your partner and embrace the joyous anticipation of your first date together without the nervous jitters.

For some, your first date may have been fairly unremarkable. For others, it was an epic success, impossible to replicate. Try anyway. Let this exercise revive the excitement of your first date and remind you of its most memorable moments. Your first date marked the start of your relationship. Relish the memories without the awkwardness or uncertainty of a typical first date. In this case, you already know you’re going to love the face sitting across from you (or better yet, beside you.) There’ll be no sweaty palms and no butterflies in the stomach. Just an exciting way to rekindle the flame, stimulate romantic urges, and celebrate the life you’ve created together.

Even if your first date wasn’t wonderful, you can both laugh at the memories of what went wrong. And if your first date was truly terrible and you can’t stand the thought of reliving it, either choose another memorable date to duplicate or recreate this date to reflect what you wish it had been.

Planning is key. You won’t be able to replicate everything exactly. Try your best to recreate the feel of your first date with a few immersive details. Match the time of day to recreate the original atmosphere. Depending on how long it’s been since your first date, you might be able to wear the same clothes. If you and your partner don’t remember what you wore, try something from the same era or upgrade to the look you wish you’d sported. Preparing yourself physically will help you develop the right mindset for your second first date.

Recall the specifics. Did one of you bring flowers? Was this midway through a super-red lipstick or glitter eyeshadow phase? What music did you hear along the way? A playlist may be in order. If you moved from the city where your first date happened, find similar places for a comparable experience. The differences will feed conversation points. For an added bonus, call the restaurant where you ate and see if you can reserve the same table. You’d be surprised by the extents people go to in the name of love.

As circumstances allow, order the same food. Even if you are in the exact restaurant, it won’t be the same. This is about creating nostalgia. Try to review the conversations you had, or pull out first date conversation starters. You might learn something new about your partner or answer a complex question you deferred at the time.

Put your best foot forward. This is a first date after all. Pull out chairs. Open doors. Use your best table manners. If your first date took place before smartphones were commonplace, leave your electronic devices at home. This will keep you focused on each other. Walk each other through your favorite moments from your first date. Which memories did you store as treasures? Spotlight emotional highs. Share the fears you squelched during your nervous moments. What did your partner do to alleviate them without knowing? How did this make you feel?

Keep the conversation on reliving memorable moments, sharing emotions, and getting-to-know-each-other questions. Resist the urge to discuss your current family, recent financial challenges, and present-day partnership woes. Instead, delve into each other’s histories and hopes for the future.

Remember to flirt, perhaps more boldly than you did the first time around. Recreate the magic of the unknown by reminiscing about the flutters your partner inspired. Relive the anticipation leading up to your first kiss. Let that build up to what led to other firsts between you.

Depending on how your original first date ended, you can invite your date in for an encore, or create a sequel that tops the original finale. And though you end your evening in the same bed, complete the reenactment by sending a goodnight text before falling asleep. Even if you are otherwise engaged before passing out for the night, it will be a lovely memento for the morning.

If you try this intimacy tip or have a better recommendation, let me know in the comments. For weekly suggestions on how to show your partner love, sign up for my blog, 52 Love, in the sidebar.

52 Love

Call of the Wild

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Adventure keeps life exciting. Think about how incredible it feels to enjoy a new thrill for the first time. Now think about sharing that joy with your partner. For week 35 of 52 Love, escape from the predictability of your routine lives and embark on an adventure together.

Exploring life as a couple means having a partner when you face challenges, overcome obstacles, and celebrate triumphs. Couples who seek adventure together push each other to reach unfamiliar heights. When you challenge yourself in new environments, you gain new perspectives—culturally, figuratively, and literally. Overcoming adventure-challenges together creates powerful bonds. Sharing joys from the high points strengthens those emotional ties.

For some, adventurous means bungee jumping from Macau Tower, for others it’s trying an untested restaurant. Whether you get your kicks skydiving, ordering the chef’s choice, or something in between, sharing your wild escapades will bring you closer to your partner.

Many couples don’t have the luxury of time or financial abundance to fly across the globe and backpack through Nepal or trek across Camino de Santiago. That’s okay. There is plenty of fun available on a budget. So long as your adventure gives you a thrill that falls outside of your regular routines, it will spark excitement and bolster your bond.

Get lost together. Drive for an hour or two outside of your town and explore an unfamiliar city. For a wild twist, go undercover and assume new identities for your visit.

Explore the outdoors. Soak up some sun on a lake-boat rental. Paddle your way through a couples’ kayaking tour. Make memories while hiking a scenic trail. Climb a mountain and enjoy incredible views from the peak. Make a splash together snorkeling, deep-sea diving, whitewater rafting, or cliff jumping while holding hands.

Add a dose of excitement by doing something that scares you. Explore a haunted house, the kind that’s open all year long. Test your teamwork in an Escape Room. Knock hang-gliding, Ziplining, or a romantic hot air balloon ride off your bucket list.

Be children for a day. Go to the zoo, visit the circus, or compete in a game of laser tag. Relive your teens at an amusement park. Complete your circuit of carnival rides with a kiss at the top of the Ferris wheel.

For any of these wild adventures, look for Living Social or Groupon deals to tame expenses. Check Meetups for less pricey options. Regardless of cost, your endeavor will reward with a gift you both enjoy three-fold: anticipation during planning, the real-time thrill, and savored memories to fuel your wanderlust for more couples adventures. In the end, it doesn’t matter what you do or where you go, it’s that you went together.

Which of these adventures calls to your wild side? If you try this intimacy tip or have a better recommendation, let me know in the comments. For weekly suggestions on how to show your partner love, sign up for my blog, 52 Love, in the sidebar.

 

52 Love

Naughty ‘Nooners

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After the initial passions of a new relationship fizzle, most couples fall into morning or evening lovemaking routines, a habit that can curb the libido. Impulsive sex is hot. For week 34 of 52 Love, channel that spontaneous spirit with an afternoon delight.

Whether it’s lazy weekend lovemaking or a lunch-hour devour-and-dash, afternoon sex can be the perfect way to rekindle your love life. Sex is a stress reliever. Afternoon sex helps you blow off midday steam. There’s no anxiety about morning breath. And unlike in the evening, you’re fully awake with enough energy to enjoy sex to its fullest.

Afternoon sex gives you the sense of getting away with something when you should be busy with responsibilities. It feels naughty, and dabbling in the taboo with your partner adds a hint of excitement. You can schedule an at-home lunch date together, then surprise your partner. Or wait for an opportune time and pounce on him. Even if you plan your tryst together, it feels spontaneous to toss aside usual daytime obligations for a quickie.

Experiment with outfits that don’t need to be fully removed to reach climax. Think button-down shirts, spaghetti straps, or slinky skirts that slide up enough to grant access (this works surprisingly well for both genders). Practice Week 30’s lesson by pretending you’re having an affair. Take turns playing the sexy secretary.

The goal here is to have fun and enjoy each other. This experience should relieve stress, not create it.  Keep the pressure where it should be, on your aroused nerve endings. If one of you doesn’t climax during your first afternoon assignation, that’s a wonderful reason to try again another day. Experiment with multiple ways to hit the high point. As with any worthwhile physical goal, frequent practice improves performance.

Make every minute count. Nooners are often quick, and if you’re on a lunch break, you may need them to be. If you play them right, you’ll have sex you can savor throughout the day. Start with a knee-buckling kiss before parting ways in the morning. Continue long-distance foreplay over text, phone calls, or email—just don’t use the company channels! Let anticipation build during the morning so you are ready to tear off each other’s clothes once you’re finally within reach. When you return to your workday, resuming your torrid titillation with sexy messages about your rendezvous may lead to an evening encore. And there’s nothing routine about that.

If you try this intimacy tip or have a better recommendation, let me know in the comments. For weekly suggestions on how to show your partner love, sign up for my blog, 52 Love, in the sidebar.

52 Love

Sweaty Sweethearts

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Exercise is key to maintaining good health. And good health is attractive. Many studies show that working out with a partner keeps you accountable to your exercise regime. When that partner is your partner, it can also improve your romantic relationship. For Week 33 of 52 Love, connect with your partner through shared physical activity.

Physical fitness benefits your health and wellbeing. Regular workouts with your partner build strong hearts and bodies while increasing your emotional bond. When the focus is on your own weight loss or fitness goals, inner demons can drown out the drive to improve. Exercising together supports each other’s fitness goals, which often motivates more than solo ambitions.

The presence of a partner not only keeps you accountable to your exercise plan, it also boosts your performance. With a loved one watching, you’re inclined to push harder rather than slack off during your workouts. It may even spur competition. Let your partner’s company galvanize you to improve while prodding her desire to work harder. Support each other’s good health and you will both reap the rewards.

Find an activity you both like or alternate your pursuits as a compromise. Be honest about what you enjoy but willing to try something new. This can be as simple as devoting more hours to light physical activity like walking, as organized as learning Taekwondo together, or as ambitious as tandem training for a 10k. Whether brisk walks, boxing, or boot camp classes, so long as you keep your lines of communication open, you are on the path to achieving your mutual goals.

Working out together will remind you and your partner of your initial affections. The effects of strenuous physical activity mirror those of falling in love. Elevated temperatures, racing hearts, and labored breaths are symptoms of sex and the infatuation stage of romantic bonding. Reignite those passions with your amorous muscle memories.

Invigorating activities stimulate dopamine and serotonin. These endorphins boost morale. Combine this physiological arousal with the increased energy and stamina from your regular workouts and you have the perfect recipe for long-lasting intimacy. Rather than nose dive in a post-workout sundae, couples can devour each other. And dessert sex maintains more than good health.

If you try this intimacy tip or have a better recommendation, let me know in the comments. For weekly suggestions on how to show your partner love, sign up for my blog, 52 Love, in the sidebar.