Anxiety abounds during a first date. You don’t know if you’ll enjoy the food. Or the activities. Worse, you aren’t sure if you’ll like each other. Yet hope blooms. You spend hours pining and preparing for what may lead to the greatest love of your life. For week 36 of 52 Love, I invite you to relive the beginning of your journey with your partner and embrace the joyous anticipation of your first date together without the nervous jitters.
For some, your first date may have been fairly unremarkable. For others, it was an epic success, impossible to replicate. Try anyway. Let this exercise revive the excitement of your first date and remind you of its most memorable moments. Your first date marked the start of your relationship. Relish the memories without the awkwardness or uncertainty of a typical first date. In this case, you already know you’re going to love the face sitting across from you (or better yet, beside you.) There’ll be no sweaty palms and no butterflies in the stomach. Just an exciting way to rekindle the flame, stimulate romantic urges, and celebrate the life you’ve created together.
Even if your first date wasn’t wonderful, you can both laugh at the memories of what went wrong. And if your first date was truly terrible and you can’t stand the thought of reliving it, either choose another memorable date to duplicate or recreate this date to reflect what you wish it had been.
Planning is key. You won’t be able to replicate everything exactly. Try your best to recreate the feel of your first date with a few immersive details. Match the time of day to recreate the original atmosphere. Depending on how long it’s been since your first date, you might be able to wear the same clothes. If you and your partner don’t remember what you wore, try something from the same era or upgrade to the look you wish you’d sported. Preparing yourself physically will help you develop the right mindset for your second first date.
Recall the specifics. Did one of you bring flowers? Was this midway through a super-red lipstick or glitter eyeshadow phase? What music did you hear along the way? A playlist may be in order. If you moved from the city where your first date happened, find similar places for a comparable experience. The differences will feed conversation points. For an added bonus, call the restaurant where you ate and see if you can reserve the same table. You’d be surprised by the extents people go to in the name of love.
As circumstances allow, order the same food. Even if you are in the exact restaurant, it won’t be the same. This is about creating nostalgia. Try to review the conversations you had, or pull out first date conversation starters. You might learn something new about your partner or answer a complex question you deferred at the time.
Put your best foot forward. This is a first date after all. Pull out chairs. Open doors. Use your best table manners. If your first date took place before smartphones were commonplace, leave your electronic devices at home. This will keep you focused on each other. Walk each other through your favorite moments from your first date. Which memories did you store as treasures? Spotlight emotional highs. Share the fears you squelched during your nervous moments. What did your partner do to alleviate them without knowing? How did this make you feel?
Keep the conversation on reliving memorable moments, sharing emotions, and getting-to-know-each-other questions. Resist the urge to discuss your current family, recent financial challenges, and present-day partnership woes. Instead, delve into each other’s histories and hopes for the future.
Remember to flirt, perhaps more boldly than you did the first time around. Recreate the magic of the unknown by reminiscing about the flutters your partner inspired. Relive the anticipation leading up to your first kiss. Let that build up to what led to other firsts between you.
Depending on how your original first date ended, you can invite your date in for an encore, or create a sequel that tops the original finale. And though you end your evening in the same bed, complete the reenactment by sending a goodnight text before falling asleep. Even if you are otherwise engaged before passing out for the night, it will be a lovely memento for the morning.
If you try this intimacy tip or have a better recommendation, let me know in the comments. For weekly suggestions on how to show your partner love, sign up for my blog, 52 Love, in the sidebar.
