Communication is key to building a solid relationship. Writing encourages you to explore your language; writing about your relationship allows you to explore each other. That’s why for week 21 of 52 Love, I recommend a couple’s journal as a proactive approach to strengthening your bond.
The inspiration for this week’s post comes from a family member. In the early stages of their relationship, she and her partner wrote in a shared journal when they were apart because they missed each other. Once they moved in together, she would take it to school if she had a challenging week that didn’t allow time to get worries off her chest. He would do the same when work was stressful. This couple, now engaged to be married, already has a strong foundation of sharing and communication before they’ve walked down the aisle.
No matter what stage you and your partner face in your journey, a joint journal empowers you to record your experiences and tackle life’s greatest challenges. Through journaling, you and your partner can share joys, thoughts, dreams, disappointments, hopes, concerns, and desires. This practice helps you relive relationship highlights or devote extra attention to challenges you need to address.
Some guidelines to keep in mind: Before you begin this intimacy tip, establish ground rules with your partner. Determine how frequently you would both like to write, be it every day, weekly, or simply when inspiration strikes. Do you want to use different colored ink to spot each other’s entries? If you go in with the same expectations, you curb disappointment and avoid unnecessary pressure.
Journaling has a calming effect that helps you let go of negative thoughts. Simply writing about your troubles will ease your mind, which allows you to communicate better when the two of you discuss those troubles. Both of you should write freely, without fear of judgment. Treat your partner’s entries with respect. Avoid dismissing her concerns or her feelings about them. Remind her of her strengths in the situations she presents and that you have her back no matter what. Letting go of negativity leads to a happier, healthier relationship. This improved emotional and physical health will help you fight battles outside of your journal.
Regardless of how much you love someone, there will be times when you upset each other. Your journal offers a path to express those frustrations in a constructive manner. First, release your pent-up negative emotions with your raw, honest thoughts. Then use your journal to view the negative experiences as obstacles to overcome together.
When discussing frustration with each other, stick to “I” statements and steer clear of accusatory language. The goal is to express your feelings and open a constructive dialogue. If your partner confides that something you do causes her anxiety, the journal enables you to examine that behavior and address the challenge with clear lines of communication, free from judgment. No punishments for what is written. Instead, see those unhappy verses for what they are—a doorway toward relationship growth.
Sharing a journal can provide an easier way to start conversations you may need to have because you are thinking more about your words and are less emotional after writing. Sometimes initiating these conversations in person can be difficult. If you read your partner’s entries with empathy and understanding, your new insight can spark vital and constructive discussions while building a trusting relationship.
A couple’s journal also offers opportunity to reinforce the positive by recording memories and supporting one another. Sometimes you may want to remind your partner that you love her and that what is happening in your life is making you happy. Use the journal to show enthusiasm for the things you love about her. Express those gratitudes we discussed in Week 11. Record a couple’s bucket list. Share small memories she may not realize were important to you. If you feel it’s significant, then she’ll want to know.
Over time, the journal will help you and your partner learn more about yourselves, each other, and your relationship. Share things you want her to know about you. What are you too self-conscious to say aloud? Embrace the chance to discover more about each other.
Once the journal becomes a relationship staple, you may enjoy having that document of your journey to reread later. You and your partner can relive sentimental entries. Revisit the journal when in need of encouragement. Your private couple’s journal holds the inner workings of your relationship. Review segments as reminders for what’s important to you both.
Focus on open intimacy, not perfection. When freewriting, you may misspell a word or articulate your point through stream of consciousness. Forgive each other these errors and focus on your goals. Your journal is sacred Intel, not public work meant for publication. When what is written between the two of you stays between the two of you, couples journaling becomes a powerful means to strengthen your relationship and ultimately foster better communication.
If you try this intimacy tip or have a better recommendation, let me know in the comments. For weekly suggestions on how to show your partner love, sign up for my blog, 52 Love, in the sidebar.
Hey Tonya-
An absolutely lovely piece, such excellent advice on communication with your elegant writing voice, you would make an exceptional Couple’s counselor- that is if you weren’t already such an exceptional writer and actress!